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October 25, 2007 3:42 p.m.

Living until the end with love

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By Angela Lunde

In attempting to organize the piles on my desk this week (a long overdue project), I ran across this piece that was given to me by a colleague, and written by a woman named Esther. I believe Esther speaks for those who no longer can communicate what is important to them. I look forward to your comments.

Declaration of Independence

Look at me as someone very, very special with personal accomplishments only I have accumulated throughout all my years of living; I am different from anyone else, unique and precious because I am the only one who has lived my life.

I cannot be duplicated, and what I am, what I know, what I have done, what I can become belongs solely to me. While I am here, I am still being, still becoming. I am irreplaceable and invaluable, the only one of a kind, ever, before or after.

The community where I live will grow only as I grow. Don't discard me as a worn-out, useless finished garment. Wear me out in honor and pride and don't ignore me, talk down to me, over me, or around me as if I am no longer there. Be careful how you label me and please don't call me a senior citizen, you don't call your teenagers junior citizens. When I am lying ill in bed, don't come in and say to me shall we have our bath now? There's no we or our, it's my bath.

I don't want to be humored, babied, or pampered, patronized, exploited for your advantage. I want to be regarded, not someone at the end of a journey, but, rather as one still vitally involved in the living of life in all of its possibilities, good to the last drop.

Enable me through your wisdom, to experience a 'doing', a 'being,' a 'becoming' every day of this life so that I am what I was intended, in my creation, to become, to hear my calling, and to live out my destiny in all of its fullness, expected of me. Don't waste me and make me stand with empty hands and unfulfilled hopes before my creator at the end of this life.

Help me to grow and achieve all that I was potentially able to be with your help. And give me a sense of worth, dignity and achievement, for there is so much to do, use me!

Remember, I go this way but once. Want me, love me and let the ending be as gracious and living as it was in the beginning when I first arrived.

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23 comments posted

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May 25, 2008 2:04 p.m.

I have been a Massage Therapist for Alzhermer Clients for 22 years. I have had the privledge of sharing the journey of my clients to the end of their lives. I have read all the coments of the loved ones. PLEASE, dont't stop your Hugs, kisses,sweet talking and most of all, stroking, touching, holding. Always remember, what was the first thing that happened to us when we were born, YES, we were held so close to our mothers heart. Thank you Esther.

- Marnny

May 19, 2008 4:09 a.m.

My wife, Sandra, has Lewy Body Dementia, and now she is more precious than ever. We have been married 53 years, and all of the memories of our life together come flooding back to me. I am not sure how a person reconciles past mistakes in life, but I do know that a person is the sum total of all their accomplishments,hopes and dreams. My wife's dedication to me and our children has never wavered, and she has been there for everyone when someone needed to be there. The most beautiful thing that I have in life now is to be able to hold her, and gently reassure her that I love her dearly, and I shall always try to be there when she needs me. It is too bad that life seems to slip away when we need someone the most;however perhaps as it says in "Ecclesiastics" there is a time and place for everything, and perhaps true love and appreciation is one of those things that comes with time. Roger Plafkin Plafkin Farms(View on Photobucket.com and Webshots.com) Ada, Michigan 1-616-676-0590 plafkin@juno.com

- Roger Plafkin-Plafkin Farms, Ada, Michigan

April 16, 2008 7:39 p.m.

I helplessly watched my mother slip into an Alzheimer fog where she could barely communicate and did not understand her surroundings. She progressed into a 3 year coma that ended this past January. The tragic part was how slowly the disease crept up on her. We saw her becoming more and more emotionally dependent. She became hard to get along with and closed herself off from family members who loved her. We knew something was wrong, but did not recognize the symptoms of Alzheimers. The symptoms are different for everybody. Had we known then that she had Alzheimers, we would have known how to take care of her and her last "good" years would have been so much better- for her and our famiily. As much as we love her, we can't go back and fix things. If you suspect an aging parent/relative has Alzheimers, please seek help. Time is running out and there is help for the patient and family.

- Sue

April 2, 2008 4:37 p.m.

Beautifully written. I will print it out for my children and hope they read it with their heart. I am 81 and have a family history of dementia.

- Beverly Spencer

April 2, 2008 6:34 a.m.

Until a cure for Alzheimers is discovered,people living with the disease deserve a better quality of life because life is not over.Maintaining "emotional memory" made it possible for my husband to have "a life" during the 11 years that we shared his disease, and to recognize our immediate family and say"II love you" until the end.My memoir offers insight and inspiration for meeting the challenges so that the last chapter of life is not wasted in despair. (my book: Everything Will Be Alright: an Alzheimer's memoir will donate profits for research)

- glory Read

February 27, 2008 12:33 a.m.

My wife was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's 7 years ago. She was a fiercely independent and intelligent person at the time. During the early stages of the disease she responded well to medications and simply wanted to live life to the fullest, and to be treated as a "normal" person. As the disease took its inevitable toll, her needs evolved, but the need to feel loved and appreciated has persisted to this day. I am unsure at this point as to whether she even knows that I am her husband, but she still has a smile for me when I come home from work, and she still murmurs "I love you" when I tuck her in at night. My point is that people's needs change as the disease progesses, but the requirement for respect and love do not. The method of conveying these emotions may at the end be quite similar to how one would interact with a child, but this does not diminish them in any way. My wife has loved me unconditionally for 29 years, and she deserves no less in return

- Tom

February 15, 2008 9:03 p.m.

I want to bring happiness to my mother that I am caring for in my home, but she can hardly see, hardly hear, hardly walk, gets car sick, gets very short of breath with any exertion. She can't make sense of the stories on tv and doesn't enjoy music. Does anybody have any suggestions?

- Dot

January 3, 2008 1:08 a.m.

Exactly correct. The words I had to read many times. I am the only daughter of george 87 who has AZ and my mom jean 79 is caring for him at home n spain. He swears at her and gets aggressive and he would be so ashamed of himslef if he knew how he is acting and it is so sad as all the things we wanted him to enjoy he cannot. His great grandchildren are a great comfort to him but ocasionally he gets angry with them for no apparanet reason. I wish he didnt have to get worse as he would hate himself. My mothr is depressed but keeps on doing her best. I never realised it would be so hard it seems cruel to make him and my mom suffer. He was such a gentleman and a loving dad and still is underneath I suppose. We love him dearly and want to care for him ourselves. My mother is a wonderful carer but she is wearing out .

- Linda Jean

December 15, 2007 8:04 a.m.

No one wants to stand with empty hands and unfulfilled hopes before their creator at the end of this life. This declaration applies to everyone around you and people you have yet to meet. If we respect each other daily with these values our society would change. My mother-in-law, Anna, has AZ , she is in final stages of AZ and is receiving hospice care in her home and my spouse has chronic Cirrhosis of the liver which is was diagnosed as terminal and he is receiving dialysis. The declaration applies to all loved ones that we are privileged to have in our lives. Mayo Clinic has served our family well and I am also grateful for this website resource. May you and your families find peace.

- DONNA E CARTER

December 8, 2007 3:08 a.m.

This is the sweetest poem. When my father had this terrible disease my brother and sister took advantage of him. Took him to the lawyer and changed his whole will. My sister was very evil to him all his life. My brother did not want to loose money and became a traitor to his father. All I can say to anyone who does this is SHAME ON YOU.. to take advantage of someone with this disease. He really lost out on a lot of love from children and grandchildren that had always been there for him all of his life. That loved him dearly/

- MARY