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December 10, 2007 2:02 p.m.

Depression common among caregivers

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By Angela Lunde

I am frustrated, full of anger. Sometimes I lose my temper and blow. Then I feel guilty. Even when I don't lose my temper, I feel guilty. I am grouchy. I have lost a sense of who I am these days. I grieve. I am sad and I cry, uncontrollable at times. I do not sleep well. I am lonely and I am fearful. Who am I?

I am the spouse of someone with Alzheimer's.

Does this resonate with you? For some of you, I know it does.

Think about it, many of you 'work' as a caregiver 7 days a week, 24 hours a day. And even if caregiving is something you think you do reasonably well, it can be hard to find satisfaction as a caregiver when your loved one's condition only declines. It is difficult to feel good about yourself when everything around you is unpredictable and unreal. It is tough to feel happy when you can no longer find the time to do the things you enjoy and that bring meaning to your life.

According to the Alzheimer's Association, more than 80 percent of Alzheimer caregivers report that they frequently experience high levels of stress, and nearly half say they suffer from depression. It's not difficult to see why.

All of us certainly experience negative feelings from time to time. But according to the Family Caregiver Alliance, "when these feelings become more intense and leave caregivers totally drained of energy, crying frequently or easily angered by their loved one or other people, it may well be a warning sign of depression."

Many of you have written on this blog and shared concerns about yourself, or expressed support to others related to the challenges of caregiving. I want to offer my genuine appreciation. Circles of support, of all kinds, are incredibly valuable. If you have signs of depression, I hope you seek the medical attention you need.

Depression amongst Alzheimer's caregivers is more common than most of us realize and deserves to be treated with the same attention afforded any other illness.

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32 comments posted

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June 26, 2008 5:37 p.m.

Well here's another soul in the same boat as the rest of the people caring for an Az person. As I read the stories in print , I found some less trouble and some more troubling then my situation. Just hang tight and try to stay sane which I have problems with and no time for my self at all and no help what so ever. But God help us all cause if he doesn't no one else will that's a proven fact.

- ida L.

April 15, 2008 7:40 p.m.

I live in El Cajon CA. My mother has AZ. My father and a few family members take care of her. She has a very part time caregiver too, however, she does everything she can do to fight this help. It is all so depressing. What I was wondering is this, is there anyone out there who would like to start a support group, or maybe just meet once a month, with my father and I and share your feelings and ideas about ALZ. My father is such a nice person. He is social and needs a male friend to talk to. My mother is at the point where she does not like anyone but family. I was thinking we could meet at the Coco's, on E. Main ST., in El cajon, once a month. My poor dad is proud and would never admit he needs some one to talk to. Is there anyone out there, who would like to get together and share and just be a friend to my dad? He is 77 yrs. old, he loves sports, he was in the Korean War, he loves gardening, he is a nice person and has no friends at all! My mother has pushed them all away with her mean outbursts & stuff. My brothers are a bit of help, but they are family. He needs some friends. PLEASE, if you think you would like to meet for dessert at in Coco's in El Cajon once a month to vent, be friendly, share ideas about ALZ. and just start a support group, please e-mail me and let me know. I am desperate for my father and I to talk with someone. Lisa the a caregiving daughter. E-Mail: lissasunflower92021@yahoo.

- Lisa Silva

March 26, 2008 4:29 p.m.

This is the first I have been to this site although my 2nd round with Alzheimer's. My Grandmother passed away in '99 after a 10 yr. battle & now my step mother has it. My Father takes care of her and is very stressed out. I live 150 miles away. She is in the last stage. HE has sitters who help and help from her daughter. But he is getting depressed. I'm not sure how to help. I visit and call as much as possible. But your article is right because my Grandpa also got depressed taking care of my Grandma. It is a long hard road. My step mother is abusive, hits and curses. That does not help I am sure. My Grandma never was. (Thankgoodness) I wish he had access to something like this to know he is not the only one. I am sure he feels that way.

- Sheila

February 20, 2008 3:38 p.m.

My husband is 81, has dementia, emphasema, and COPD. I am 57, still work full-time, and am his only care-giver. He needs help doing virtually everything, but is still aware enough to be left alone (in bed---he's too weak to be up) for a few hours at at time. Luckily I'm able to go home and feed him lunch and am home by 5 in the afternoon. I'm exhausted, but reading this blog is somehow comforting because it reminds me that others are in similar situations. My big worry is what I will do when he can no longer be left alone because we cannot afford long-term care. Most of all, I just don't want to lose him but am seeing him slip away a little more each day. It's hard not go give in to depression.

- Kathy

February 10, 2008 1:41 p.m.

Just wanted to finish up my thoughts...I just posted some of them. My heart goes out to all of you. I know this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I know for all of this...it is literally heartbreaking. I, too, am sad and tired most of the time. I got to a major "meltdown" just before Christmas. I knew then that I had to start taking care of myself. I am now seeing a therapist and going for acupuncture. I still have many tough days....but I am better. I encourage all of you to do something...even one thing to take care of you. We all need all the support we can get....so I am sending "white light" to surround those of you that want it...also sending a spiritual "hug".

- Joan

February 10, 2008 1:33 p.m.

This is the first time I've been on this site. And...the first time ever I've posted my thoughts anywhere. I am really touched by the stories share. The one from "Elizabeth" from just this past December resonated the most for me. I am Mom's primary emotional caregiver. She lives in an assisted living facility, so her daily physical needs are taken care of. It's her emotional needs and concerns that I attend to. Mom is the tough place of drifting back and forth from making complete sense and sometimes being so profound....to completely getting lost in confusion. I have two sisters who live locally. They do call Mom pretty much daily and one does visit. I am angry with them pretty much of the time because I know Mom needs their love, attention an support and yet there is nothing I can say or do to convince them of the importance of that. Almost out of space...just want to say that in reading through this site, I realize many of you are dealing with much harder situat

- Joan

January 29, 2008 2:44 p.m.

My dad is an alzheimer's patient. I stayed with him and my mother, who is his primary caregiver. Her main complaint was she could not sleep at night because he would get up and go through the frig. & freezer, etc... she was hospitalized for 6 weeks and I took care of him. i resolved the problem of him getting up at midnight and making a mess and going through the frig. and freezer by taking a paper plate and placing an assortment of dry foods he could snack on. By golly it worked for us, I make sure there is a small night lite on in the kitchen so he can see. No more mess to clean up in the mornings.

- Edmond

January 22, 2008 8:52 p.m.

My sisterin-law developed AZ in July 2007, She is unable to walk oe talk, she does not recognize family members. She is in hospital awaiting a spot in a nursing home since the fall. My brother has been going to the hospital to be with her daily during meal times as the staff is overworked, she is being tube fed as she takes very little by mouth.It is so sad to see her present state. My concern now is for my brother's health as he is 78 yrs old.A devoted husband for the past 50 yrs.I live in another city 2500 miles from him, Besides prayers, what other ways can I show support?

- Lorraine

January 21, 2008 9:49 a.m.

My husband has had Alzheimer's for 2-3 years now. We are both 78 years old. I am doing my best to care for him but I have MS and have to move around in an electric scooter, so it's hard for me to physically help him. I also find I lose patience easily and get very frutrated at mealtimes trying to get him to eat and take his pills. My two daughters are very helpful and have finally convinced me to get some hired help, so today is the first day for an aide to arrive. We'll see how it works out for her to make him feel comfortable with her helping him with his shower and all. More later. Wanda

- No name given

January 17, 2008 1:33 p.m.

I look forward to each new blog - to read and empathize with each one - knowing you are real people with one thing in common - a loved one with alzheimers - I know it's been said many times - but i can't encourage you enough to get the book titled The 36 Hour Day - I just got mine two days ago - and spend every free moment reading it - it explains so much about how the person who actually has this dreaded affliction feels and helps me to understand why my dad does certain things - my prayers are with all families dealing with dementia/alzheimers and those who have before us -

- jackie