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• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• September 1, 2009 8:04 p.m.

  I am the oldest of 3 daughters. About 10 years ago our mother passed away after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's a few years before. Now, my darling youngest sister has been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. She is so scared. It is so sad to see her this way. She has been given Aracept and is involved in a Alzheimer's study. She is under the care of a general practicioner. I think knowing what is ahead of her is really the worst thing she is experiencing. The doctor will not prescribe a anti-depressant. I think she needs one desperately. She has a caregiver a few days a week, I take her one day a week. I had her today and it seemed that she was on the verge of tears all day long. Her husband does not seem to realize how severe her depression is. How can I do more for her? I would love any suggestions.

  - Lou

• August 15, 2009 8:40 p.m.

  August 15, 2009 This past Monday evening, my beloved dad passed away from early onset alzheimer's disease. He was diagnosed at age 54, but my mom saw symptoms at age 52. He was 62 years old. My dad was a brillant and caring man that just deteiorated before my eyes. It is hard to lose parts of your loved one each and every day. He had a series of strokes, that finally caused his death. My mom was an angel and cared for him at home and never sent him to live in a nursing home, for which as his daughter, I am eternally grateful and can never forget. I love my dad deeply and need his death not to be in vain. We donated his brain to scientific research to try and find a cure for this disease. No one in his family had the disease, which is unusal. There is not alot of support for eoad, but my mom and I are trying to establish a support group in the area specifically for eoad caregivers and families. To all those with a loved one, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

  - Kimberly

• August 9, 2009 8:21 p.m.

  Aug. 9, 2009 My husband was diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers May, 1950. I was so very shocked as we had just retired and I thought his problem was due to not having much to do. It is now August and I had to put him in a nursing home July 3, 2009 as he was progressively getting worse and trying to leave our home. It broke my heart to see the changes in the man I have been married to for 56 years. One night I had to call the police cause he wanted to leave; they called the ambulance and was taken to the hospital. I was told he could not come home, that he would have to go to n.h. as it would be better for him and for me. He went to nursing home and was so heavily drugged at first I could not talk to him. Now, he is on just one medicine a day for agitation but he can no longer talk to me, nor can he walk and I don't get any answers. He has always been the strong one and has taken care of me. I hurt so badly to see him like this, but know he is being taken care of and I have to care for myself also. We have 5 children, all grown. I pray someday Alzheimers will be eradicated and no more robbing of a person's mind and dignity. I am thankful for the p.c. doctor and neurologist who took care of my husband and encouraged me, and the nurses at the nursing home. My heart goes out to all who witness a loved one go through what I have and am going through. I cry, and then try to be strong, but it still hurts. Please find a cure....

  - Wilma

• July 30, 2009 6:54 p.m.

  After dating through high school and college and being married for 44 years, my husband and I divorced in May 2009 due to damage to his left frontotemporal lobe caused by strokes. After noticing major changes in his personality including chronic major depression, my husband went on to quit four jobs and then became involved with another woman whom he has been living with for two years. With excessive spending and travelling being a big issue, I sought medical and legal counselling and was advised to divorce my soulmate immediately. My husband also wanted a divorce but would not proceed with it. Now, and after years of strong bonding with my spouse, I long to take care of him but am unable to do so. I feel as though my life will always be incomplete because I cannot be with my former husband until the end. Since he also has aphasia, talking on the telephone with him is difficult. Grieving seems to be all that I have left, although I spend time with friends and travel a little. Dating other men leaves me feeling even more empty and lonely inside and brings on even more longing for my former husband. Is this scenario common for others who have/had a loved one with frontotemporal lobe dementia/vascular dementia?

  - Carol

• July 14, 2009 11:27 p.m.

  We have had to place my mom in a nh as she was no longer safe to live alone and wouldn't keep the caregivers we'd hire to help her. Watchin her decline now over the past 2 yrs has been awful. finding caring thorough doc's is impossible and keeping the Md/facility from over medicating her is a challenge. Being in the medical profession myself makes it harder as I've seen how issues affect patients and know the potential damage that can occur.

  - Norma Lambert

• July 10, 2009 9:40 p.m.

  My husband and the father of my 4 children died in 2006. I was depressed to the point where I laid on the couch all day-and slept most of the time. My heart ached. After 51 years of marriage- I was so alone..My children do not live close. This spring- a classmates husband started calling me and his wife had died almost 2 years ago...We talked on the phone a lot- then dated and started talking about marriage, We are both 71. I became so close to him. Neither of us had anybody to love on us for years, and being Christian we wanted to wait for sex. Then we got input from first my children, then his..June 3rd...He came to my house to talk about it, and was the most loving, clinging caring person I have ever known. Or hearts melted together and he left blowing me a kiss as he left. That night he called and said they want me to give it up with you- I wish you the best of everything...Bye To this day I have not seen him or heard a word from him. However- family found out he was seeing someone else - and she has told them he gave her a promise ring...I was so shocked- and my heart aches with pain. I hurt so bad I can't think about anything else and nothing helps. I am on Citrolopram-but I cry all the time...even now.I know he is a liar-and did not have the courage to say I want to breakup with you--I know we would have had problems when the lies started exposing theirselves.I do know he is on Aricept-but I watch VERY close to see symptoms, and saw none. I just want to not hurt.

  - Dolores Long

• July 3, 2009 3:26 p.m.

  What can I add to the pain and hurt that others have already expressed? My mom is in the middle stages and I am her primary caregiver as my siblings are all out of town. They are as helpful as they can but many decisions are left up to me. I make use of the local Alzheimer Society and it's wonderful staff and support groups. I have to take that next step and arrange for mom to go into a nursing home, hopefully the same one where my dad is who is in declining health himself. The burden seems too hard to bear somedays while still trying to work, be with family and friends. Many days I wish to just escape somewhere far and remote and be alone to sort all of this out. I worry that I too may get this awful disease that is slowly stealing away my beloved mother.

  - Sad Sue

• June 4, 2009 9:39 p.m.

  MY DAD WAS DIAGNOSED WITH ALZHEIMERS OCTOBER 1, 2007. WE WERE TOLD HE COULD NO LONGER BE ALONE AS THE DISEASE WAS QUITE ADVANCED. DAD SUFFERED WITH PERIODS OF DISORIENTATION, ETC. FOR YEARS, BUT WE WERE ASSURED THEY WERE DUE TO TIA'S OR MINI-STROKES. DAD WAS LIVING ALONE AT THE TIME, SO MY HUSBAND AND I BROUGHT HIM TO LIVE WITH US. WE HAD HIM HERE UNTIL WE COULD NOT CARE FOR HIM ANY LONGER. DAD HAS 4 CHILDREN OF HIS OWN AND 3 ADOPTED CHILDREN. WHEN I CALLED FOR HELP, THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSE FROM ANY OF THEM. I THINK THIS HURT NEARLY AS MUCH AS LOSING DAD TO THIS AWFUL DISEASE. IN MID-APRIL, DAD SUDDENLY HAD PNEUMONIA. THE LOWER LOBES OF HIS LUNGS HAD CRYSTALLIZED DUE TO SMOKING MANY YEARS AGO. THE PNEUMONIA SUBSIDED BUT WEAKENED HIS SYSTEM WE WERE TOLD. THE ALZHEIMERS TOOK OVER AND DAD PASSED AWAY JUST A SHORT TIME LATER. WE ARE GRATEFUL THAT DAD WENT QUICKLY AND DID NOT LINGER AS DO SO MANY OTHERS. DAD HAD SUCH A DIFFICULT TIME DEALING WITH THIS DISEASE. WHEN HE CAME BACK TO US PERIODICALLY, HE WOULD CALL PERIODS OF TIME "BAD DAYS". "JUST HAD A FEW BAD DAYS" HE'D SAY. I MISS DAD TERRIBLY, BUT I MISSED "DAD" BEFORE HE ACTUALLY PASSED. WE ALL JUST NEED TO PRAY THAT SOON THIS AWFUL DISEASE WILL AT LEAST BE TREATABLE. OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH ALL WHO ARE DEALING WITH THIS DISEASE. GOD BLESS.

  - ANNA CHRISTINE

• June 2, 2009 3:44 p.m.

  I lost my grandmother to Alzheimer's disease in Feb 2001 and I know what this disease can do to the person that has it and the loved ones that are the family members. My grandparents raised me from when I was a baby. And when she was going through the frist stages of this disease what was hard for me to see her go through the stages of memory loss slowly and beinging able to remember her loved ones names. And my grandpa took care of her as long has he could by him self and it took a toll on his health and he just could not handle the care she needed and that is when he had to put her in a nusring home in Eau Cliare WI. That was the hardset thing that he had to do his soul mate their where together for 55 five years before she pasted away in Fed 2001.

  - Jennifer Leigh Redfield

• May 27, 2009 2:31 a.m.

  Am I the only male caregiver? Is it Alzheimer's disease, or injury produced dementia? Guess it doesn't matter too much, because the results are the same. After 24 years of marriage, my first wife and divorced. I spent a couple of lonely and miserable years as a 50 year old, single man. Then one day a miracle happened and I met the fantastic lady who was to become my new wife! When we had been married for about 15 years and were enjoying a very happy and active retirement, my wife suffered a closed head injury as a result of a horse accident. She spent 3 days in intensive care, 3 days in intermediate care and over 3 weeks in rehab. She left the hospital with about 50% of the cognitave abilities as she had beforte the accident! The doctors said it might take from 6 months to a year for her to recover. Never happened! Although her physical injuries were well healed by 1 year, her memory and cognative abilities continued to decline and she was diagnosed with "probable Alzheimer's disease". At this time, 7 years after the accident, she, at age 66, is under 24/7 care, fortunately at home. She has occasional "accidents" and is quite confused most of the time. She can still feed herself, but needs to be told to eat! I was her sole caregiver up until about a year ago, at which time I could no longer do the job myself and maintain my health. I have been attending a support group since her diagnosis, and am now trying to figure out what to do without her and

  - Richard

• May 16, 2009 11:21 p.m.

  I look at my mom and I see behind her beautiful green eyes the confusion and be wilderness as this disease slowly steals hers memories...My mother had me late in life, She was 40 .... I am an only child and very close to both my parents... I remember as a child I used to always worry that my parents would die before i grew up because of there age. I lost my father in 2000. I sold my house and moved in with my mom so she wouldn't be alone. My mom was always so active independent. She was a branch manager for a bank for 32 years...Watching her struggle to do simple tasks such trying to dress self and even sometimes she forgets who I am is heart wrenching...I Watch her slip away from me a little bit everyday... I did grow up and became R.N so that I would be able to take care of my parents in there later years... Never in my wildest dreams did ever imagine that my mom would forget her daughter’s name...I refuse to put her in a care home... I will care for at home till her last breath… I will cont to maintain her dignity, and remind her of times past... I will hold her memories and mine close to my heart and never forget how blessed I am to have such a loving and wonderful mother.... I pray for every family that has a loved one being ravished be this disease...As I sit here writing this I can’t hold back the tears & deep sadness I feel...I hope that they will find some kind of cure soon and help stop or prevent Alzheimer’s from erasing the memories of the people we care abou

  - A Loving Daughter

• May 10, 2009 8:29 a.m.

  As I sit here this morning, Mother's Day, thinking of my beloved mother who raised me alone and is now in a nursing home with vascular dementia (not much different than Alzheimer's) I am comforted by reading the comments of others who have dealt with this devastating condition. Vascular dementia is much more rapid in onset and deterioration. I have watched my mother progress from a very strong, independent woman of 81 to a totally dependent, delusional shell of herself. She used to loves to eat- her appetite is gone and she cannot feed herself. She loved to drive,shop,travel - now she can't even move herself to a wheelchair. She adored her grand & great grandchildren now she can barely remember their names. Her appearance was very important to her, nails, hair, clothing etc. - now she can't even comb her own hair and couldn't care less. All of this has occurred in 6 short months! As I read your comments I don't know which is worse, the shock of rapid deterioration or the agony of watching your loved one slip away inch by inch over a long and painful time. The only answer, I suppose, is neither. It hurts like hell either way! My heart goes out to all of you who are coping as I am trying to do and my condolences to those of you who have lost your loved one. Let us all pray for solace, comfort, support and peace as we travel this journey with those we love. God bless us all.

  - Barbara

• May 10, 2009 8:14 a.m.

  When my father passed away in Aug 71, I came home to help my Mother get through it and deal with the wedding of one of my brothers (have 2), but did NOT intend to stay. As time past, I turned to someone who was open to my helping Mom, so I gave up my own plans for a career and opted to marry, instead. My home life, growing up, was far from normal, with violence and controlling chauvanism that did NOT create self-esteem or family closeness. Down through the years, I stayed close to my Mom while still dealing with a strained relationship with her and my 2 older brothers. Eventually, I had to move Mom into town and we (my son and I) shared 2 apartments in a house. When Mom developed a terrible infecton and a broken hip, we had to switch everything around at the house so she could stay downstairs where I was to care for her for 3 years. It was not easy caring for her, so many problems developed because of her deteriorating status of vascular dementia but I had promised Mom that 1) I would never put her into a nursing home as long as I could still care for her. 2) I would never let her embarrass herself in any way, in front of any of the family, in any way. My older, prosperous brothers were minimally in the background and Mom should have had their attention, but she ended up manipulating all of us by turning my brothers against me with terrible stories, just so they woud pay attention to her,...poor old soul (died at 89), leaving me alone,..my brothers unapproachable!

  - Rhonnda REA

• April 30, 2009 8:39 a.m.

  I've gotta tell ya that I wish this was available to me when I was going through the chaos with my parents. In 1991, I got married and that afternoon my mother did not remember the wedding. Later, her memory just continued to snip away and I didn't really see it because she was such a crafty person pushing my father into a head on relationship that "we" use to have. Now my father and I had the stronger relationship and she sat in the back ground. I didn't see that until now. He handle things without a peep until his memory started to go to. In 2000, he retired from a part time job and soon after I had to move them in with me. I became pregnant with my first child and found it increasingly difficult to manage their life and mine. I felt like a slug placing them in a nursing home. From 2000-2005 they progressively declined and passed away in February (9 days apart). The point is that I really thought I was the only one going through this at my age (30s). But, just reading this makes me feel so much better. Looking back it was the venting that I felt I couldn't do, because nobody would understand. I didn't want to go to support groups because I had no time for me, let alone support groups. I could have done so many things differently. What I have learned is "to learn", "to change", "to set priorities instead of feeling guilty". And to stop focusing on yourself and let it be about loving that loved one, who needs you more than e

  - DOROTHEA MILLS

• April 23, 2009 8:59 a.m.

  I took my mom to the Dr. for a routine visit and brought home someone I did not know. It was as if she went into the examining room herself and came out a complete stranger. It was a devasting experience. But there is always light at the end of the tunnel for I was able to care for her for two years and got to know her in so many different lights. When going tghrough with a parent you need tons of support and prayer.

  - Betty

• April 21, 2009 10:50 a.m.

  My daddy was diagnosed two years ago with early alzheimers at age 52.I was 15 at the time.It hurts watching him go.

  - Amanda

• April 20, 2009 6:28 p.m.

  My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease two years ago at the age of 54. I was about to turn 21 at the time. It hurt me day and night, watching how restless and agitated she became day after day. She knew me because she saw me everyday, but I wasnt sure if she remembered that I was her daughter or just a familiar face. It hurt me everyday to know that soon she will probably not know me at all. The most terrifying part about her condition occured soon after. She started to wander and sometimes she would be lost overnight, while the family would be frantically trying to find her.

  - Cheray

• April 13, 2009 1:36 a.m.

  It feels funny to be researching this topic, reading story's and having tears stream down my face. I am a 25 year old Certified Nurses Aide. I have been an aide since I was 15, working with only Alzheimer's and Dementia people. I found out today that my Great Aunt has Alzheimer's. Knowing what happens when someone has this I think that is what is killing me. It has never bothered me to work with these types of diseases. I loved the challenge. I never thought in a million years I would have to deal with this on such a personal level. It breaks my heart that just in Jan. she seamed "normal" like nothing was wrong. My Aunt now has no knowledge of who I am, who my mother is (who she helped raise) I wish I was a lot closer with my family and could help put my 2 cents in with care choices. I wish I would have spent more time with her. I now have so many regrets... I wish I wish I wish. I guess I can not change the past. I feel so empty now like I could have done more even though I know I couldn't have.

  - Lost and empty inside

• March 25, 2009 11:42 a.m.

  Alzheimer's is a very difficult disease and process to watch a loved one go through. My mother was diagnosed five years ago and is now only 56 years young. I miss her so very much and wish my children could have known her before the disease changed her. I have three children just as she does and they absolutely adore her as she does them also. She has a total of six grandchildren and they all love her playfulness and sweetness! My oldest son who is 12 began asking questions about mom a few years ago he seems to understand but my 6 year old daughter and 3 month old do not. We live 5 hours away and have for 9 years i feel like i may have missed her last "good days" moving away. Dad still works full time and i worry about her being alone he works 6pm-3am. She no longer eats healthy or consistantly. He does make sure she has one good meal a day.He has refused to take her drivers license even though 2 years ago the doctor expressed it necessary. She no longer pays the bills due to her "forgetting" to pay them on time and getting shut off notices but he has not taken the checkbook yet. He has to manage her medications now she was not remembering to take them. He is in denial about alot of things...how do i help him accept this and help him cope? As a nurse myself ive helped countless daughters husbands and sisters deal with alzheimer's but helpng my own father has been more challenging.

  - Heather

• February 4, 2009 10:11 a.m.

  Not one thing in your article I just read even comes close to mentioning money. My mom was planning to move my dad from nursing home care to assisted living until she figured out she would only be saving $1,000 a month. My mother is legally blind. She will take him home on Friday. She was crying so hard it broke my heart when she called this morning. The plan was to move him up to AL this coming MON, but she grieved "I will not go broke to get Medicaid so he can stay at the nursing home for $7000/mo." So, the "bring him home" day is this FRI but he is nonambulatory. How does she get him up the front porch stairs? Seems minor to most, but a major problem here. I am disabled, cannot drive or lift. My daughter has devoted at least 1 day/wk. with mom & dad. She works 4-10hr days & has 3 wkdays to visit-usually WED. My mom during dad's last episode (Alz.,breathing difficulties,diabetes,history of bedsores,total incontinence) said she just couldn't take care of him @ home anymore; was told by his MDs she was not to even consider trying to take him home for care. Because of money, she is again in this situation. She is my hero, but our healthcare system stinks!

  - robininpain

• February 3, 2009 8:30 p.m.

  My mother was diagnosed two years ago with Alzheimers. My parents live in Florida during the winter and try as we could this year we could not talk my father into stay in the area where seven of their children live and could help with my mother. My dad is 79 and my mother is 76. It is so hard to try and talk to my mother, I noticed in big groups she just goes into herself and doesn't talk or participate in conversation anymore. I need some advice in how to help my father realize that he cannot care for my mom all by himself. He doesn't leave the house anymore because he says my mother will forget he went out and worry about what happened to him. We have suggested he leave a note for her to read that he went to the store or what ever, but he is afraid she will not see it. My father also doesn't think he wants help coming in because my mother will not know who they are and she will get upset. Any suggestions on how to make him understand he needs help.

  - Linda Pfeiffer

• February 3, 2009 6:54 p.m.

  I'm a 41 year old that put my life some what on hold to care for my father when my family wouldn't step up to the plate. I need some advice on how I can get my family members to give me a day away with my husband with out the worry about my dad. My brother is the biggest load he won't help me at all. How can I ask for help so he will help me. He works part time, I work full time from home. I'm consumed 24/7 with no break. Some one please give me some advice. Thank you. DWC

  - daughter who cares

• December 13, 2008 11:59 p.m.

  My mother was diagnosed two years ago and it took me two years before that to get her in to the doctor. She lives with my husband and me. She still attends her Bible study once a week (with the help of friends who watch out for her), but other than that, she is with me constantly. I find that I never get to have time alone. She is getting much worse, which is to be expected, but I don't get much help. Part of the problem is that she refuses to go anywhere without me. My oldest daughter tries to take her out periodically (once every three months or so). My brother does next to nothing. It is all on me and I'm so overwhelmed and exhausted that I'm near tears much of the time. My mother is becoming more and more demanding of me. Is this normal? I work from home so I really get no reprieve.

  - Rhonda

• November 19, 2008 11:02 a.m.

  My mother was diagnosed with alzheimer's disease several years ago and she passed away on October 6th. She was 77 years old. She was a wonderful, caring person and I will never forget how she was always there for me. I used to talk to her every day and since we lived out of state we visited her several times a year. When she could no longer live by herself my sister took it upon herself to take over mother's care and also her finances. My sister explained to me at the time they were having financial problems, and I realize now my mother was the answer to her financial problems. After my mother had been with my sister for about 6 months, my sister purchased a new home, had cosmetic surgery, and built her daughter a house, etc. When I started questioning her about mother's finances, she explained to me that she was taking care of mother and it wasn't anyone's business what she did with mother's money. After this conversation, she would not let me talk to or see my mother. It was heart breaking. Finally, the doctor put mother into a medical facility where she could get the attention she needed. I was finally able to visit her, but the disease was so bad by then that she didn't recognize me. This has completely devastated our family. I tried to tell myself that since I hadn't been able to talk to her for so long that when she passed away it would make it easier. I was wrong. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about her. I miss her and I always will.

  - Pamela

• November 11, 2008 9:23 a.m.

  My mom has had Alzheimers for about 4-5 years now. My father has tried repeatly to keep her at home with home only to enter her into another home when she became violent. We finally placed Mom in a home close to where I live so that I may visit her along with my dad. Mom is in the final stages of alzheimers she weighs next to nothing and does not recognize anyone. She has trouble swallowing so is limited to soup and liquids which she often refuses. I did not have the best relationship with my mother before her disease but ironically her disease brought us closer together. In the early stages when I would come to see her she would tell me I came in the nick of time and I was her Angel. I will remember those times always and cherish the fact that we were able to make up for lost time in the last few years of her life. Mom's disease is developing quickly and the home does not feel she will live much longer. It has been a long journey but blogs like this one do help. Thank you

  - Dawn