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• April 25, 2008 4:42 p.m.

  I just started reading these posts and they all sound so familiar. One thing I have learned recently from living in the rain capital of the US is how a Vitamin D deficiency can hurt your mood. I had mine tested recently and found out how drastically low it was. Now I take drops daily and it has helped especially on those gloomy or winter days. I learned how prevalent the deficiency is in the northern climes of the US. Apparently it's because of how little time we spend outside and when we do we are wisely covered in sunscreen, but we are also not getting enough sunshine to help get enough Vitamin D. Hope this helps someone. My naturopath was the one who lead me to this. Also, for those questioning whether depression is a lifelong disease, it certainly can be. Having the right support around you helps tremendously and knowing what will trigger episodes also makes a HUGE difference (and yes I meant to shout that). The illness is just that, it is not something any of us wish upon ourselves, if for no other reason that finances. In the last twelve years, this disease has cost me $500,000 in lost earnings, lost jobs, health care costs (since as someone pointed out mental health care costs are pretty much not covered), going through retirement money and in a non-financial way, most of my friends. I apparently am not much fun to be around. Go figure. But I am finding support through new means with internet groups and sites. Thank you to those sharing your stories.

  - Rainy in Washington

• April 25, 2008 3:52 p.m.

  Please remember there are people who love you very much, value you and need you in their lives. You may be feeling worthless but to your friends and family you are of utmost importance. Depression is an illness it is not your fault. Hang in there guys xxx

  - a friend

• April 25, 2008 3:35 p.m.

  It's one thing I learned a very long time ago, I had a sense of humor and I have used it to get through life. I have also discovered many of us do. And many of us are very talented and creative..as I am. Having these two gifts have kept me going along with the drugs...Sometime suffering in the darkest moments of life you are rewarded when the light at the end of the tunnel starts to shine...even when it's hard to see..

  - jessica

• April 25, 2008 3:34 p.m.

  Dear friends, I have been on Zoloft 50 mg since 2003, every single day. I just wonder how many years more...I see weekly my therapist too. this all started suddenly (after a bad critic for my writings and studies)at the age of 49. i was hospitalized for 7 weeks because of a fear being alone at home -Im a single - but now I can cope better with it. can depression perhaps constitute a permanent disease as it seems in my case? Tell me if you have been through the same... greetings from overseas!

  - tina from scandinavia

• April 25, 2008 3:23 p.m.

  Thanks to everyone for sharing their experiences it makes for grim reading. My brother is suffering depression and I really want to help him so have taken advice from some of you and suggested reading material. I wanted to wish all of you all the best and I hope you find a cure to this awful illness. Prayer can work God is at work today I have heard amazing testimonies so trust and believe xxx

  - a friend

• April 25, 2008 1:46 p.m.

  Dear depression bloggers, We are delighted that this feature appears to have rapidly become a useful tool for those whose life involves dealing with depression personally or for a loved one. Dr. Melin will be returning soon to lead the community's discussions and we all look forward to that return. In the meantime, it is very important that those of you dealing with depression maintain close contact with your care providers and we remind you that there are resources available in times of crisis, including the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/. Thank you for being part of the MayoClinic.com community.

  - Roger W. Harms, M.D., medical editor-in-chief

• April 25, 2008 12:26 p.m.

  I have been on 50mg of Zoloft for two weeks which was recommended by our marriage counselor and my doctor. I felt in total control of my life until I found out about my husband's workplace affair with his assistant. The affair is over (so they say) but she still works with him and I have to deal with the presence of the "other woman" everyday. The Zoloft doesn't make me feel better or worse. Should I try a different med or learn to deal with daily pain and anger? Yoga is the only thing that gives me peace.

  - Anne

• April 25, 2008 10:38 a.m.

  Julie...your blog re: the clothespins on the fingers "mimicking fibromyalgia" made me laugh out loud. (I'm at work, so people were looking at me strangely) It's a very slow day today, and I've been on the internet and came across this site...glad I did. I have fibromyalgia also, and rheumatoid arthritis, and other medical problems...as well as depression. One of the best medicines in my life is laughter and a good sense of humor...cuz, if you can't laugh at life, you're done for. The endorphins released from laughter are so very healing..as is a positive outlook....yes, drugs help, but are not a cure all. god bless..

  - nog

• April 25, 2008 9:16 a.m.

  Wow, there is a lot of pain out there. One thing I've learned after 20 years of treatment, many meds, many therapists and drs. is that my health is up to me. I know it can be overwhelming at times - I too have been hospitalized, lost jobs, suffered family deaths and thought of opting for outing - but one thing I learned from my abusive father was tenaciousness. I refuse to quit. Two things I have going for me now - I have to have a psychiatrist who can professionally accept my anger toward this disease and med profession and let me vent without taking it personally (and he finally did); and second, my therapist is one who is (doo doo doo) Freudian in approach - that is, she goes back to the trauma of childhood and then we address it, pray about it and HEAL it. In that regard, I've never been so free in my life (took me 60 years!). My current problems are also two fold. One - medications. I finally got angry enough to call the nurse and tell her what I wanted and if the dr. won't cooperate with me I'll find someone else. He did. Two - this%^^%%$#%^&* weather. On April 25 (my bap. bday)we have a winter storm warning. If this is global warming give me the ice age. We have clouds 85% of the time for 10 months of the year. In the dead of winter 3x a day with my therapy light isn't enough. I hope to move south within 6 months. Good health and sunny days to all of you. SandyB

  - Sandy B

• April 25, 2008 12:47 a.m.

  I feel as though I have been running around my back hand for years when it comes to depression. When all of the sudden I came down with Luekemia, diabetes and lost my unending energy for the peak succesful career I enjoyed and my company, retired me in my early 50's....My wife later left me and family did not take well, to a father with chronic illness. The depression that I seemed to outrun with energy and work for years after chemo, operations, chronic pain, seemed to become a larger part of my life each and everyday. This year within a week of each other, my Mother and Sister died and I separate from these two events, but at the same time, had two deep brain strokes. I am still here, this is not a, oh poor me posting, as in life there are runs of unfortunate events and one adapts the best one can, then moves on. I must admit I do not want now, to expose my self socially its so difficult to feel and act what seems to be normal by the reactions of those who were close to me. Solitude just seems safe and one feels so like damaged merchandise and flawed. You can actually feel and see people and family pulling away and one resigns to let them. Perhaps this is the depression? Greg

  - Greg

• April 25, 2008 12:03 a.m.

  I developed major depression at age 44 -- and 13 years later, I still battle it every day. I have tried every antidepressant and ECT. It has come to the point where I am depressed because I'm depressed. I used to be very stable financially. I worked for a Fortune 500 company with a great health care, disability and pension plan. Sadly, the health insurance and disability insurance plans covered mental illness very poorly. I couldn't believe that I developed the ONE disease that has poor insurance coverage. I thought I had done everything right in terms of job choice and the company I worked for. But, I can no longer work, and my disability insurance paid for the maximum of two years for mental illness. So, now I face living the rest of my life in poverty, regardless of my education, skills and experience. I still have health insurance, but the copays for mental illness treatment are so high that I couldn't possibly pay for hospitalization. I had good insurance (I thought), along with education and talent -- and now I'm on the verge of being homeless. I just can't believe I ended up like this.

  - Janey

• April 24, 2008 10:47 p.m.

  DEPRESSION HAS BEEN A PART OF MY LIFE FOR A VERY LONG TIME WITH NUMEROUS FAMILY MEMBERS ALSO AFFECTED THROUGH THE YEARS. IT SEEMS THAT LOSSES AND LIFE CHALLENGES DO HAVE A PART IN OUR BATTLES WITH THIS ILLNESS. FOR ME, TWO THINGS HAVE HELPED: THE BEST THING I'VE EVER DONE FOR MYSELF WAS TO ADMIT MYSELF INTO A PSYCHIATRIC HOPSITAL FOR A THREE WEEK "COURSE" IN DEALING WITH DEPRESSION, TREATMENT, AND GETTING TO KNOW MYSELF AND THE WARNING SIGNS FOR ME. SECONDLY, I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR BEING RAISED THE OLD CATHOLIC WAYS, AND HAVE ALWAYS REMEMBERED THE NUNS TEACHING US THAT TO TAKE OUR OWN LIFE WAS THE GREATEST SIN WE COULD COMMIT AGAINST GOD, AND THAT WE WOULD BURN IN HELL FOREVER FOR THIS. AS A CHILD, THIS FRIGHTENED ME TERRIBLY, AND HELPED TO KEEP ME FROM HURTING MYSELF. (STRANGE, THE THINGS THAT STAY WITH US SOMETIMES). IT SEEMS DEPRESSION IS A NEVER-ENDING BATTLE AT TIMES, BUT I'VE LEARNED TO HEED THE WARNING SIGNS. IT HAS DEFINITELY HELPED. GOD'S BLESSINGS ON ALL!

  - GLORIA ANN

• April 24, 2008 7:42 p.m.

  Depression is and always will be a thorn in anyones side when trying to make sense of everyday situations which provide little or no personal or professional feedback. Dragging ones own depressed persona through the gravel of everyday living can be somewhat painful and if ones own outlook and self esteem are scarred by this daily drag little will be accomplished in all theaters of ones life. Brashness and anger can help if this can be controlled for positive gain but this behavior is not a true protrait of ones self and follow up behaviors may not be as successful as the initial behavioral presentation. Depression can,"...kill the dreams I dream, and in its true context a depressed persons life can literally kill the dreams they dream. It helps when battling the personally perceived negativism of daily interactions to have an ally which can change ones perception of things encountered in daily living which can present an almost welcoming and positive picture of things negatively perceived in the past. One such ally after countless hours of talk therapy, phsychological testing, physiciatric evaluations has been the acceptance of the use of an SSRI on a daily basis. Unless you have tried one and have appreciated its effects on you and how different your outlook on things has become there is no way to explain the results of the continued use of an SSRI. The effects on you have to be experienced to be appreciated. Be willing to try and then decide for yourself. Have Fun

  - Heschle

• April 24, 2008 7:27 p.m.

  I'm 55, female and identify my first depressive episode when I was 17. It runs in my family and my sister had numerous suicide attempts yet no support/understanding. Emotionally abusive childhood & physically abusive boyfriend in college. Married 25 yrs to wonderful supportive husband but we lost a son unexpectedly in 2002. I have been on meds for the greater part of my life--elavil, prozac for a time, wellbutrin & Zoloft combo plus trazodone now. It took several therapists before I found a wonderful psychiatrist who I saw for many years until she retired. Therapy is important and I find the length of the relationship really makes a big difference. Right now I am in the midst of a major depression that started 7 days ago. Another death in family, extended family turmoil etc triggered this one. Need a med switch I think. Depression feels like being at the bottom of a deep dark dry well unable to see the sun with thick walls that others can't penetrate no matter how hard they try. It will lift eventually so I keep busy. Kind of scary posting but I have learned a lot from everyone else

  - Kay

• April 24, 2008 6:04 p.m.

  To S.G., you mentioned hair loss. Did you attribute this to any particular medication? I'm experiencing hair thinning and loss that is affecting my self-esteem, not to mention the fact that it's not doing my depression any good. I was curious to know whether you and others experienced hair loss, and on what meds in particular? If we get a list, we can see which meds are in common. Like many, I've been depressed for a lot of years, and I am in my 50s, wondering whether I'll ever own a home or retire, and that alone is depressing. I'm glad I have the rest of my health, and a job to go to every day, and some good friends in my life. Also, is anyone else bipolar II?

  - ld

• April 24, 2008 6:01 p.m.

  I have had major depression as long as I can remember. Several suicide attempts and many years of pain and misery. I went to a pshychiatrist recently and he made this diagnosis. He also put me on Seroquel, Lactimal and Effexor. All of which are helping. I also see a therapist and a support group. Make sure you have the correct diagnosis and meds. Makes all the difference in the world! Linda

  - Bipolar II

• April 24, 2008 5:49 p.m.

  To M. Bond: My heart goes out to you. Try to remember that you are not God and you have so little real control over what another person does. If we only could control sometimes...but we are only mothers, not gods. Please stop blaming yourself and try to begin to heal

  - Anne C.

• April 24, 2008 5:42 p.m.

  Reading these comments is one of the most depressing things I've done in years, but at least I know now that it's not my fault that I'm not "cured." Apparently there is no cure, and the treatments tend to be worse than the disease. My experience with therapists is that they don't stay around long enough to really help,either because of insurance limitations, or they move across the country, etc. Sick as we are, it's the system, the therapists, and the medications that are in worse shape...I know that sooner or later it will get so bad again I'll off myself, but if real help is out there, I've spent decades and can't find it.I quit.

  - Anne C.

• April 24, 2008 5:18 p.m.

  I have suffered from depression as far back as I can remember and I am now in my fifties. Added to this I now have a chronic illness which made the depression worse. I have been taking Zoloft now for almost one year and it has made a big difference for me. Not only do most people not believe that depression is an illness but even the chronic fibromyalgia I suffer from is not always believed. Sometimes it's harder to deal with people's comment's and non-support then it is to deal with these illness's. We who suffer are not looking for sympathy just empathy.

  - Anna

• April 24, 2008 5:14 p.m.

  My son was depressed for 4 or 5 yrs. most of the time & was hospitalized for 30 days two yrs. ago. He was not consistant taking medication & on Feb. 2008 he shot himself in the head. I am suffering & can't seem to feel like I wasn't partly to blame. How can I find comfort?

  - M.Bond

• April 24, 2008 4:09 p.m.

  Hi again, depression is such a lonely place to be. Even though there has been much on the medical front to help with the disease, it's still is lonely and it hurts. I am 65, have been dealing with depression since I was a child/teen, and on meds since 28...The biggest problem I have faced, are people that have never faced depression..I don't wear it on my sleeve, I hide it..pretend as best I can.. Those people just don't understand and believe depression is a mental illness that should not be talked about. Just go outside of yourself, and get involved and get busy.Most of the time they believe your just want to be the way you are, you're lazy or looking for attention..I have had to deal with family members that just refused to believe I should be taking meds, for gods sake..When my husband died, I had one friend come to my home and take all of my meds away, she just knew I was going to take my life..she didn't understand then and she doesn't understand now. Then there are people I needed to tell I was on Prozac, they stopped coming around, afraid I was dangerous...I guess what I am trying to get across are the people that don't want to understand are the ones that could make life hard for me. But I thank god everyday formy meds and the feeling of being more "normal" than some....

  - jessica

• April 24, 2008 3:14 p.m.

  Just discovered your blog. I have been dealing with depression my entire life. Have never found too much in the way of help. I seem to be border line on all of it. Most drugs have not worked. I am at work right now, but so glad to find a place where people might understand.

  - Anne

• April 24, 2008 2:58 p.m.

  I forgot to mention earlier that a complete physical is so important. It was found that I have pernicious anemia & low thyroid (both of which cause fatigue, depression & if untreated can lead to dementia--which my husband claims has already happened!) I have to admit I have sometimes given him the indication that that is true, but I have hope for the future & carry on with treatment & am grateful that my last suicide attempt was not successful. BTW, when I was in the ER I was unconscious but when I eventually came to one of the nurses was actually quite nasty to me & acted like I was wasting their time by being there since I brought this on myself (prescribed drug overdose). I don't know why an obviously educated person (as I know nurses are) would not realize that a person in such emotional duress that would carry out a sucidal plan is not in a rational mind & does not need scolding, but needs help & compassion. My God, my mother had so many attempts & then finally succeeded when she placed a plastic bag over her head when I was a teenager. So should we react with anger or think she was just trying to get attention? She was in such emotional pain & couldn't be helped. She was even considering a lobotomy. Finally she is at peace.

  - S.G.

• April 24, 2008 1:27 p.m.

  The pain that we all feel is awful. I have been diagnosed with depression for 8 yrs. I have really had since i was in my 20's but refused to accept it. I am on meds and had to switch meds about a year ago. Best thing i ever did. Is the depression gone? nope. but is better managed and i don't have everyday struggles with it.I am 53 and counting and the menopause didn't help the at all. I am now through it and thought maybe this ws the cause. Nope again. It is genetic. I have given this to God and have even thanked Him for it. Why? because it is how I am and I have met so many nice people just like me that understand what I feel. I had a peticulaly bad episode this past winter and my and he said i needed to lose weight and exercise. I said great make me feel worse. But it didn't. My BmI was to high , my cholestral was out of control, and my blood sugar was reaching a med situation. so, Me, doc, and God, decided to lose weight and gain control over life. Helping me with this is vitamin supplements. Especially calcium with vitamin D. Walking is my exercise with light weights such as soup cans. Also this helps me sleep. just thought i would tell you what works for me and yes, I know, when dpression is deep the last thing you want to do is to walk but please believe me it does work.

  - charky

• April 24, 2008 12:04 p.m.

  I have suffered from depression since my childhood. I am now 52. I have been through all kinds of therapy, drug therapy, keeping journals etc. etc., etc. I do not think that anything works for me. I no longer think of suicide because of the impact it would have on my children. I do however look for ways to hurt myself, though it is never enough pain. I do try to think of ways to kill myself without anyone knowing it was on purpass. I am in new therapy now and on new meds for about two months now but am not feeling any relief. This is difficult to even write, like keeping a journal I don't think it makes any difference. I have started and erased this a number of times. I feel that my problems of which only a few are mentioned, are minimal compared to the rest of the major, major problems and events of the world.

  - jp