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• April 28, 2008 11:36 a.m.

  Wow! I cant beleave how many people have the same proublems I have.This is the best thing for me because I hate therapist. I have had alot of bad luck with them and just gave up .I have been depressed my Whole life it has been a battle.Im sure i could write a book on all the @&*! I have been through.These past 2 years of mine have been the worse because my health is bad.I just want everyone to know what saved my life .I got a dog .He has been the best thing that has happend to me in years ,On my worse days I Know some one needs me.People dont care to hear or be around us"depressed people " because they think its contagious.I hope this idea helps some one else like it has me .He makes me get out of bed,take a walk ,cook a meal, play and most of all smile every day.He even knows when I dont feel good and doesnt mind if take a day off.Ive never had a dog , just cats I wish I got one about 15 years ago It would have made my life more meaningful.Bless Everyone

  - Kathy A

• April 28, 2008 11:28 a.m.

  I have been living with clinical depresson for the last 10 years. I finaly got put on the right meds that work for me I finding that once a nurse of another doctor that is not familar with me. When they find out that I suffer with a mental illness that the do not treat me the same as I would be treated like other people I get treated like I do not know what I am talking about and most of the time I see them for illness that are not related to my depression and I also know that their is a shortage of Mental health beds in the hospital here in Minnesota so my goal is to stay out of the hospital for my depression and I can live with my asmatha but living in a calture with depression is like living in hell some days AB

  - No name given

• April 28, 2008 10:31 a.m.

  I believe that depression has become an epidemic in this country. It seems more and more people are depressed. We have more to be thankful for however we are not thankful at all because most of us are too depressed to be thankful. I think I was depressed as a child but of course in that day and age who knew. I grew up in the fifties and yes I am part of the sandwich generation that now has to deal with ailing parents, children, grandchildren and soon great grandchildren. But that is not the worst case scenario. My worst depression started with 911 and I will not drag that event out, however the events in my life that followed I believe would have many wanting to commit suicide. I fought this depression all alone as no one wanted to be around me. I did have a few friends that wanted me to get in touch with a doctor and get some medication. I was stuborn because I felt I always snapped out of it all my life and I was strong and I would fight this as well. Well, the years dragged on and the events in my life worsened. I could not cope anymore and I finally spoke to my doctor. He prescribed Zoloft 50 mg and counselling. I no longer see the counselor but I still take the meds. This has helped me tremdously and now I need to get my husband on something as he is severely depressed and makes everyone around him miserable. One thing I have learned is not to hang on to my depression as a crutch to have something to blame on my failures but rather work on successes.

  - Cathy in Texas

• April 28, 2008 12:43 a.m.

  Reading about depression is depressing. I have had it all my life and I do okay some days. I don't cry anymore. I just wish I could cope better. Anxiety seems to get me sometimes but I try to work through it. What else can I say.

  - stef

• April 28, 2008 12:39 a.m.

  I have read all of your blogs and now feel worse because I've always felt "IF" and "WHEN" I get the right medication and/or treatment I would get better. I'm 59 and have suffered chronic depression for 20 years. Have been on EVERY medication made for depression and some medications for bi-polar and NOTHING has worked for me. My last hope is ECT, which I am suppose to start in approx. 30 days and I've had such high hopes that it is the final cure but since I've read the blogs it sounds as though it doesn't help the majority. I feel I have a number of years of life ahead of me but I don't think I can deal with it if ECT doesn't work for me. I'm divorced, my two grown children don't care, I have no siblings, no family and because of my depression, I basically have no friends. What I am saying is that I don't or can't spend another 10-20 years like this because what I have is "NO LIFE". I am sure those of you that have depression can understand that. What I would like to know is this - would those of you who have not written about ECT, would you please post on the blog, your experiences, a loved ones experience, or whoever you know that has taken ECT. PLEASE? With so many of you who are posting on this blog about having depression and nothing working, I'm beginning to wonder, why go through this life of misery. Actually, there is no life, as far as I'm concerned. ECT is my last resort but now I'm feeling as though ECT won't help so I feel, why bother

  - Lynn

• April 28, 2008 12:26 a.m.

  Thank God for you all and this blog. It's in the nick of time. Been treated for depression for about 15 yrs., but feel the stuff isn't working like it should, i.e. Wellbutrin, SR, 300 mg. daily & Lexapro 40 mg. daily. Overwhelmed w/life situations like husband at home in end stage heart failure/kidney failure. No friends since his head injury yrs. ago. That's not unusual in the head-injury household. It's been only the 2 of us through some awful stuff. I could still do things, but because of the situation, it depresses me more to think of doing anything alone after so much togetherness. Then there's the $ matter and the old car matter and all the other matters I handle alone. You can read this and see that my attitude is negative. With no one to talk to, I'm laying it on you all. Thanks for letting me vent. The dilatin is of interest to me. God bless!

  - Pat

• April 27, 2008 6:51 p.m.

  I was surprised at the ending description from Reaching Out to Others. So much like myself. I've never sought professional help, but I sometimes get emotional without apparent cause, and wonder why. Reaching Out to Others described what I thought was just social ineptness in myself. I much prefer one-on-one contacts rather than groups or parties. Perhaps Reaching Out to Others can find a path with others that is more comfortable.

  - SueB

• April 27, 2008 12:45 p.m.

  Mary, do you have the dr.'s name and the research he has conducted on adding Dilatin to deprssion drugs? Our Dr.'s will want info on it. Thanks so much for posting and giving hope to so many.

  - Charky

• April 27, 2008 12:03 p.m.

  I come from both families with histories/signs of depression/bipolar/anxiety disorders, though all was/is denied. We are extremely bright/highly educated, somewhat prominent people; yet, most are not capable of even getting close to their potention,(including myself). Only others who have experienced this know what I speak of. I have educated myself to a Psychologist Degree and finally found a Psychiatrist who not only understood, but had the same background! However, living in a small town in the midwest has forced me to research this topic for me and my patients care. Physicians generally act threatened and DON'T listen!! I have come to realize that many of us have very sensitive nervous systems. We see/hear/experience things most others do not; and we react emotionally. Recently, I heard a speaker from UCLA, a long time Dr. interested in depression. He advocated the addition of a small dose of Dilantin along with antidepressant therapy. I tried it, and it has made a big difference! Now, I fear that like some of the new "SSRI'S", it "wears out" after awhile. This I have seen over and over in my practice and in myself! Beware, many physicians don't know this-even the "shrinks"! Life for us living with these afflictions is so difficult, without all the judging/lecturing/superior attitudes,etc. Some day ALL will know it's biologically based/primarily genetic! I figured that out years ago. We are also some of the most caring, compassionate people

  - Mary L. C.

• April 27, 2008 10:28 a.m.

  I have been depressed since childhood. I have known about my depression since my teens and have not sought help. The severity of my depression changes and I go through stretches of feeling well and almost normal to times of being completely isolated, alone, and worthless. I am 32 and my depression seems to only get worse with age. When will I be able to live my life? The one theme of my life has been feeling like an outcast. I do not make friends easily and often feel like I do not relate to people. I am quiet and don’t have anything to say. People tell me that I am shy and should speak up. The truth is that I truly do not have anything to add to the conversations that go on around me. I listen with utter blankness. I am critical and tend to only make judgments. I don’t want to be critical but that seems to be who I am. I feel numb and nonexistent at parties, social outings, and at friends houses. I crave attention and acceptance from others but seldom receive it. I don’t laugh at jokes. I am no longer interested in even trying to have conversations. I feel like everything is shallow and meaningless. I feel like I only make others uncomfortable or annoy them. Lately I have been distancing myself from social activities more and more. I am tired. I am to the point where I don’t want to try anymore. I feel alone and utterly by myself whether I surrounded by people or not. I am too embarrassed to talk to anyone. When will I have my turn?

  - reaching out to others

• April 27, 2008 8:12 a.m.

  I have been married for 40 years. About 7 years ago I found out about an affair my wife had had in the 4th year of our marriage. In my mind I replayed the years we had been together and looked for clues that other affairs had occurred, and found some. She denies that there were any others, but that really doesn't make any difference, because the trust has been destroyed and there is no way I can ever know for sure. At the time of the discovery, I was severely depressed, bought a copy of "Final Exit" and considered suicide. It was like our whole lives together had been a lie. What started out as situational depression has become clinical depression. Divorce is out of the question - it would kill my mother, my children and my grandson. So I have endured a gray existence for the past 7 years. My relationship with my wife is that of a friend, nothing more. There is no joy in my life, and at least once a day, usually in the dark, as I try to sleep, I picture her with other men. I feel like a prisoner serving a life sentence with no appeal. But I do my duty (not sex) - I provide a living, I go to family outings, exchange gifts at the appropriate times, take vacations, etc, all without feelings. I am numb. And I feel there will be no release until one of us has died.

  - JIm

• April 27, 2008 12:23 a.m.

  Hi everyone, Looking back at photographs of me,I notice my unhappy expressions, even my wedding day. Probably been this way most of my life but didn't realize it. I haven't seen any dr. about this, but I'm sure it's a depression. It comes and goes. My children are grown and on their own, my husband and I are together. Last year My mother in law was hospitalized with Respiratory Failure, my friend was diagnosed with Hoghkins Lymphoma, our nephew diagnosed with Lymphoma-non hogdekins, there was a conflict with my sister. It was too much for me to deal with, I became sad and blue 3 month ago, first, then , I stopped talking to my husband for at least 3 weeks. Didn't want to be in the same room with him. It was very difficult to talk with anyone, I didn't feel like talking, had to force myself. Was crying frequently, feeling helpless. Considered seeing a dr. but didn't want to go. Don't want drugs. I think this is about my being sexually molested at childhood. That's when the anxiety began. Can't seem to get past this. I don't like myself, and I'm afraid of everything. Presently I'm feeling better, I'm seeing an acupuncturist and feeling a difference in my emotional state. Plus I pray. Hopefully the blues won't return for a while. My friend told me the worst thing to do is to feel sorry for your self. Hope all of you will feel better soon, consider acupuncture, it doesn't hurt. If you do ,he should be chinese.

  - Rose

• April 26, 2008 10:53 p.m.

  A couple of months ago I was feeling severely depressed. When I get that way I lay in bed and watch TV, and I can't get interested in anything or even get out of bed! It's like there is a lump in my throat and a sinking in my heart - all the time. I was telling my wife I wanted to kill myself, which I have said so often she is tired of hearing it. So, we tried something. She is taking Wellbutrin, 300 mg a day, to stop smoking. She gave me her bottle of pills and I Googled Wellbutrin. I followed the medical advice and in a few days, at 300 mg a day, I was feeling like I was floating on air, with enthusiasm and joy! It was a total transformation. I starte making music again, and I am working on adding a room to our house. I set up an appointment with my physician and he raised the dose to 450 mg, and I called the psych number and will be starting a group therapy program in a couple of weeks. I do get a little sad from time to time, and I have had suicidal thoughts, but the difference is that nothing overwhelming. I am much happier at work, and people are not rejecting me. I realize that I was clinically depressed for most of my life, and Wellbutrin enabled my first true experience of how people without this chronic weight on the heart must feel. Well, not exactly, I did get a positive effect from salvia divinorum, but that is a curandero sacred plant that creates very powerful hallucinations. So Wellbutrin is where it's at for me!

  - No name given

• April 26, 2008 7:48 p.m.

  Hi I'm Liz from nz. My mother endured depression for many years and eventually ended up killing herself after numerous attempts at the age of 52. Thank goodness I recognised this illness in myself and got help as I am now 50 and could see how easy it would have been for me to go down that path. I am very lucky with wonderful supportive friends and have taken Citalopran now for about 15 years plus a mild sleeping pill at night. This has made the world of difference to my life and my childrens and can handle lifes' hardships, even the loss of my dear old Dad last year. I recommend to all you people - it is worth taking the medication to make life so much better for yourself and I carry out an accounting job so am certainly not in any way blurred by medication - you just have to find the right one! All the very best to you all and please hang in there and get help to you people who want to end their life. It is very hard for those you leave behind - there is someone who cares!!

  - Liz

• April 26, 2008 4:58 p.m.

  How do I deal with the anger? Years of missed diagnosis, incorrect diagnosis, discovering that I have a disease that caused the depression, NOT that I simply suffered from depression. I go from being absolutely thrilled that I now have some answers, and that I was correct all along, I KNEW that there was something terribly wrong, but no one would listen to me. The years of seeking out doctors, who acted as if I was wasting their precious time. If I have learned anything, it is this. Go directly to a top notch medical facility. Don't settle for the "best" specialist in your area. My physical condition has deteriorated in the past 4 years, to the point where I don't think there is much point in my finally being correctly diagnosed. But, there is a huge amount of "I told you so" in my heart. And no anti-depression medication can solve that.

  - Cheryl

• April 26, 2008 4:46 p.m.

  Please get help immediately if you are suicidal-do not wait. Call your Doctor, therapist, friend, etc. or go the nearest hospital.

  - Another Friend

• April 26, 2008 2:58 p.m.

  My depression was dignosed due to hypothyroidism. My doctor adjusted my medication and I am feeling as normal as it can be.

  - Jeanne

• April 26, 2008 2:01 p.m.

  has anyone tried or heard of alpha-stim 100 for the treatment of depression? i have read and heard alot about this treat-ment.

  - cindy

• April 26, 2008 11:20 a.m.

  I am in full blown major depression, also a recovering opiate addict 4 yrs clean. I take Effexor, I've only been on it 2 weeks, I've tried everything else, my doc hopes this one will help. What's made my condition worse is my marriage has ended. Last October I found out my husband, who I still am in love with, was having an internet affair with another woman. He left me in December. I had to be hospitalized for a while, my emotional state is still so fragile. I live alone, I'm 49, and I feel so much darkness and fear. I have a wonderful family, parents, who love me, check on me regularly, my husband visits me often, and he does love me. I still hope for reconciliation, there is still time, he needs to decide. But as I sit here waiting for that, this depression is killing me. Sometimes I can't even breathe. I don't want to die. I have too many crying spells. I had everything I wanted in my life, and this other woman lured him away from me. He was weak, and I just want him back. I don't know what to do if I don't win him back and this is most likely going to be the outcome. Not much hope here. I don't want to relapse on drugs either. All I have is my dog, and she loves me no matter what. The one bright spot. I'm so tired. I'm sorry. I just don't think I'm going to make it.

  - Sheryl

• April 26, 2008 11:05 a.m.

  I was diagnosed with depression over 25 yrs ago and have been struggling ever since. I am on effexor but I cannot remember the last time I felt joy. I wake up every morning and pray to get through the day. My husband is showing signs of alzeimers disease which complicates life. Most days I wish for death to come. I am tired of it all. But I have to choose life because my husband needs care and support and also because it is God's will. I try to be grateful for all the blessings we have. I just wish life were not se gray.

  - Ellie

• April 26, 2008 12:35 a.m.

  Continuation of below by Lakercom: I have been able to resume my trucking career and take a more prominent role in a couple of family businesses including cattle ranching since I got my treatments. I have been off all anti-depressants for a year.

  - Lakercom

• April 26, 2008 12:32 a.m.

  I am 53 year old male who had depression for most of my life until early last year when I received ECT - 12 (electroshock) treatments and it worked wonderfully with no memory loss. I have been great ever since and the one down side is weight gain but this was to be expected because I gained weight whenever the depression lifted, even without any medication or treatments -- naturally. My depression was not chronic although I have had some severe depression in the past, made especially worse when aggravated by bad environmental (situational) factors. My depression would be best described as unipolar, dysthalmia, and drug resistant. I tried up to twenty different drugs and nothing was successful. I was optimistic at times that anti-depressants were working but the nature of my depression is that it will get better on its own for temporary periods so it was confusing to properly evaluate a drug. I think most anti-depressants are over rated. I am sorry to hear that ECT did not work for Bill’s wife. There is a risk with ECT but it is used regularly at our public hospital and the results are overwhelmingly positive. I belonged to an ECT support group for many months after my treatments, led by the full time ECT nurse. My cousin was previously the ECT nurse so I had some good inside info and support. My family and my religious faith all contributed to gain the confidence and, dare I say, humility to try this treatment.

  - Lakercom

• April 25, 2008 7:45 p.m.

  Steve, I a not a very religious person, but I had a good experience with a chaplain who visited me in the psych ward. She said there is no need for religious people to feel guilty about depression. First, it is a biological disease. Also, read Psalm 88, and see that religous people with severe depression have been suffering for centuries. It's OK to feel the D and to cry out in pain.

  - Janey

• April 25, 2008 6:04 p.m.

  Hello fellow humans. . .these postings are sad, are they not? It takes such courage for the one suffering depression and even greater courage for the well one(s) in your lives. I am forever grateful to a mate who has had to cope with my illness for 20+ years. When I can get past the valleys, I think about others and how I might contribute. There are so many needs in our society that there is something each of us can do for others. I'm from a suicidal family and recognized early that there was something terribly wrong with some members and saw that I, too, wasn't quite like others in my peer group. I've struggled with various meds and have had several therapists over the years when I am desperately down and can save some $$$'s for treatment. But I think the best medicine is to get out no matter how horrid the weather (lived in Oregon many years) and breath in fresh air, look for the beauty of a flower, bird, beautiful building, whatever it might be for you. And volunteering helps one's focus and attention for a bit as well as keeping you involved in life rather than hiding out. It is a good day for me today and later I'll write down the three things I'm grateful for today in my journal. Sometimes I really have to look for those - it is as simple and hearing the buzz of a bumblebee! Marx

  - Marx

• April 25, 2008 5:43 p.m.

  I am married to a very lovley lady,in fact for 40 years. Our marrage was somewhat rocky but we stuck it out. For the last 5 years she has been chroniclly depressed. At first I thought it was chronic fatigue,but finnally realalized it was full blown depression. We started seeing a psychiatrist, the med he prescribed did no good. After several vist he said it would be a miricale if anyone could find a cure. The second one gave up and said who ever would find a remedy for her would win the nobel prize. This left us with sour feeling toward the profession. As it turned out she is resistive to medications. The third doctor prescribed ECT, which only made matters worse. When this did no good he sugested to get a second opinion, he gave up. Her memory is slowly returning. The fourth doctor has her on another regiment of medications. She said she was going to be creative about my wifes treatment, so we are hoping for the best. My wife has become very lax with hygene, she goes to bed at 1:00pm and awakes at 1:00 am. At least now she is able to past the time reading. Her panic attacks have subsided somewhat but still she just mops around the house till 1:00 and takes her med and goes to sleep. I took early retirement so I can be with her. This has worked out fine, although very boring at times. I spend time with her til she retires for the nite. WE talk and watch tv from about 8:00am. I pray for her every day and plead with the Lord to give my lovely wife back to me. Bill

  - Bill