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With Mayo Clinic oncologist Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

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May 6, 2008 10:18 a.m.

As life becomes different, focus on strengths

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By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

Dear friends and colleagues,

Finally, spring has come to Minnesota. The sun and the warmth enrich our souls ... as do the comments from our many participants.

Like many of us, I always thought "it will get better when I finish my training, when I run my first marathon, when our family is together." In reality, it has been my humble experience and for that of people far wiser than me that our lives do not get "better" they simply get different.

I am thinking of one of my colleagues who is president of a major medical organization, and he is about 60 years of age. His responsibilities are daunting, the issues are overwhelming, and he has little control over his daily life and events. When he was a practicing physician in a small town in the upper Midwest, he had control over his schedule. He had the praise and adulation of his patients and their families, and there was a profound sense of gratitude that they shared with him. Now his world is completely different. He had thought that life would get better, but in fact, it simply became different.

While on a holiday over the past week, an individual made the comment that it is an illusion to think that if we move, or if we change jobs, or if we have different titles that our world would become miraculously fulfilled. Life is not quite that simple.

One of the messages that I would like to share is the notion of staying in the present; obviously, planning for the future but focusing our energies on today and to recognize that we each have gifts and skills to share. We should not dilute those talents in activities which really do not focus on our strengths.

So, how do each of us focus on our strengths and not become distracted by all the demands on our times and energies?

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10 comments posted

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June 26, 2008 6:14 p.m.

I have a lot of pain and take serious drugs but I manage by accepting it and turning negative thoughts into positiveones. I am 78 years old and am enjoying life by saying I can do it and amazingly it works. mtivey@iinet.com.au

- Margarita tivey

May 16, 2008 6:49 p.m.

I have to say I appreciate all of your input, however in these uncertain times it is sometimes difficult to remember. Job losses are very difficult to handle, relocation necessitated by job loss. Separation from family may also be a part of this. I have to add that depression becomes a prominent piece of these stresses. I would add that this requires constant reminders that today is special. Contact with family; hobbies, such as sports, hiking, painting, yoga, etc; and finally reminders of who we are because we get lost in this cycle of loosing who we were. A healthy way of looking to change as wonder is only viable with hope. Getting back to basics is good. What if even basics are not available as with Katrina victims? Just looking for ideas here, because today’s stresses go beyond just demands.

- birchjml@yahoo.com

May 15, 2008 12:43 p.m.

Dear Lisa: Yes, we each need "a greater vision lighting the way" and to keep a focus on the tasks of today. For me,that means reducing distractions when possible. Thank you for powerful insight.

- Dr. Ed

May 15, 2008 4:06 a.m.

I read Georgia Guse's post and I Totally identified with her! She feels exactly the way I feel. Disconnected and lost. I have attributed it recently to most of my children leaving home for college and my struggling to find my purpose in life after 28 years of being "Mom". I still have a 10 year old at home, but in a few, short years I turned around and went from 5 at home to 1. Can we say Identity Crisis? I do believe this is as difficult of a time in my life as when I became a young widow and had to go it alone. I'm determined to get through this as well. I thought I held on to "me" while I was raising my children. Maybe I didn't.

- J Stanton

May 14, 2008 11:26 a.m.

Constant and unexpected change is a given in life, no matter how great the planning, as witnessed by the current world-wide economic shifts. Health can decline with an unexpected event. Survival and thriving absolutely require us to stay present, focused on gratitude of the richness that always surrounds us – if we look for it we will find it. Appreciating the tiniest flower, a sunset or anything in nature can bring you in touch with the Universal pure positive energy that can carry you forward to a much better life of unexpected delights and pure joy. Eckhart Tolle's new book "A New Earth" explains this in great depth. Oprah's worldwide tele-classes with him have brought even more clarity. Dr. Creagan, you are so right. Life becomes so different for us all, sometimes within a moment of time. Refocusing is required so that we can accept what we cannot change, while appreciating our new normal and all the new gifts that come with it. Breathe deeply and stop to savor each moment. The energy shift will amaze you!

- Barbara Hankwitz

May 14, 2008 9:26 a.m.

My husband and I share a strong future orientation. In my 50's I realized that the present is all we really have. Through Yoga and the attendant Buddist philosopies, I have learned to live in the present, even if things are not going "well". Because I am a Christian, I also have deep reserves of power to tap in to. In my mid thirties I realized that God is not Santa Claus. All of us will have struggles in this life and some heartfelt prayers will not be answered in exactly the way we hope. But God supports, comforts, and guides us as we walk through any valley. All we have to do is recognize and request that support and wisdom. I have always been sustained by God no matter how rough the journey.

- Jeannie

May 13, 2008 6:34 p.m.

My husband & I are in our 60's and are moving into another Province after always having lived here in Quebec. I felt I needed a change of scenery, less of a frantic pace as we have in the suburbs of a large city. There is too many people, cars & traffic. So we've decided to move near family in a resort/small town with many outdoor activities which we love & many retired active people with lots of clubs & organizations. I'm hoping this will bring us more joy as a couple as we now have little friends in common. But I do believe happiness is within firstly & we need to go to our inner space to give us a better life.

- linda

May 13, 2008 5:22 p.m.

Interesting, for a moment reading your article I thought you had an answer, but I know the answer must come from within in. For me at 62 Lisa hit the nail on the head! The light that brought us this far is still out there. Thanks

- Milan

May 13, 2008 3:33 p.m.

After raising my children as a single mother, and attending college at night. I seem to have accomplished some of my goals, however, I feel completely disconnected from the world now, leaving me with a lost feeling that is difficult to ignore and work through. I will try to focus on today and maybe tomorrow will improve. Thank you for the article

- Georgia Guse'

May 8, 2008 1:12 p.m.

I find that as I work with people such as your colleague as an executive coach, there are many ways to help them regain some sense of control over their lives, when they have begun to feel out of control or overwhelmed. Often, one or two realtivly modest changes can make all the difference. On the other hand, what really seems to create the most stress is not having a strong sense of purpose connected with one's work, no longer having that greater vision lighing the way when through the less-than-interesting ,or, less-than-appealing parts. It seems the most important to have a clear alignment with our work and our individual values, and to keep that light moving us forward as we focus on the tasks today.

- Lisa Pasbjerg, DCSW