- With Mayo Clinic health education outreach coordinator
Angela Lunde
read biographyclose windowBiography of
Angela Lunde
Angela Lunde is a dementia education specialist in the education core of Mayo Clinic's Alzheimer's Disease Research Center at the Abigail Van Buren Alzheimer's Disease Research Clinic in Rochester, Minn.
Angela Lunde
The transfer of information about dementias, as well as understanding the need for participation in clinical trials, is an essential component of the education core.
Angela is a member of the Alzheimer's Association board of directors and co-chair of the annual Minnesota Dementia Conference. She is a member of the Dementia Behavior Assessment and Response Team (D-BART), a multidisciplinary outreach service assisting professional and family caregivers in understanding and managing difficult behaviors often present in dementia. She facilitates several support groups, including Memory Club, an early-stage education and support series, and more recently, helped to develop and now deliver Healthy Action to Benefit Independence and Thinking (HABIT), a 10-day cognitive rehab and wellness program for people with mild cognitive impairment.
Angela takes a personal interest in understanding the complex changes that take place within relationships and among families when dementia is present. She is particularly interested in providing innovative and accessible ways for people with dementia and their families to receive information and participate in valuable programs that promote well-being.
"Amid a devastating disease, there are tools, therapies, programs and ways to cope, and it is vital that families are connected to these resources," she says.
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Alzheimer's blog
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July 16, 2008
A caregiver tip for defusing awkward situations
By Angela Lunde
I thought I'd share a quick tip that has been circulating through our caregiver support groups. I believe the idea originally came from a caregiver and wife, Lela Knox Shanks, in her book "Your Name is Hughes Hannibal Shanks." This is now a strategy brought up routinely in our support groups.
Here is a situation that may arise for caregivers at some point: You want to take your loved one out to a restaurant, grocery store, family reunion, etc., but you are reluctant because you think that your loved one may say something or act in a way that is embarrassing to you, or may put others in an uncomfortable situation.
These are real and valid concerns. Keep in mind, persons with Alzheimer's experience a decline in judgment and language as well as other symptoms that can include disinhibition, irritability, delusions, compulsive and repetitive behaviors — all of which can be challenging to the caregiver especially when in a public place.
So, the strategy is to carry a supply of business sized cards with a saying similar to the following:
"Please excuse my (husband, wife, father, mother), they have a diagnosis of a memory impairment (or you can say Alzheimer's disease, brain impairment) and may say or do things that are inappropriate. If this is the case, please accept my apology on his/her behalf. Preserving his/her dignity is my overall goal. Thank you for understanding."
These cards can be given out discretely anytime you feel it would be helpful. The caregivers I have spoken with find that once a card is handed to someone, a potentially awkward situation is alleviated. In most cases when people understand the circumstances behind the behavior they are genuinely accepting, and often kind and accommodating. By telling others, you are emphasizing that the behaviors are part of the disease and not who the person is. In my mind, this is a way of offering the person with Alzheimer's the respect and dignity they deserve.
19 comments posted
July 27, 2009 7:08 p.m.
What a great idea. I am new to dealing with this disease, and although my husband is young, and looks very normal, one even in Wal Mart made me feel like I would never take him with me again. He acted like a small child into everything. The lady behind the counter was about to call security, thinking he was drunk. These cards would have really come in handy. Thank, Linda
- Linda
June 28, 2009 1:53 p.m.
Judy, I'm thinking in this case grammar isn't what we are here for and the Alzheimer patient could care less about grammar nor the person reading the card. Please.
- No name given
May 24, 2009 8:30 p.m.
BRAVO! How wonderful an idea. I will pass this on to all the caregivers I work with and feel sure it will alleviate some of their own anxiety. Thank you!
- deborah conner
April 6, 2009 4:21 a.m.
IT HAS BEEN COMING FOR SOMETIME BUT MY WIFE HAS DEVELOPED VASCULAR DEMENIA,IT IS VERY FRUSTRATING FOR ME, SHE ACCUSED ME OF DOING ALL SORT OF ILLIGAL THING AND LYING TO HER ALL THE TIME AND COMING UP SUCH OFF THE WALL IDEAS IT IS REALLY SAD FOR AS SHE USE TO SO INTELLIGENT
- DENNIS BRIGHTWELL
March 20, 2009 11:32 a.m.
This idea of a business card is the most intelligent and helpful thing I have ever heard of. I am a caregiver for my husband and sometimes we have difficulty with speech, hand coordination, etc. Eating out can be a little difficult, but we just get throug it. I'm going to work on my "business card" right away.
- Jackie Patton
March 18, 2009 9:28 p.m.
I have been ready all the comments about a card but did not see the original suggestion by you. My husband has AD and I am quit interested in your suggestion. Please let me know where I can read the suggestion. Tuanks. joycekellogg@att.net
- Joyce Kellogg
October 16, 2008 6:04 p.m.
Thank you Judy for correct english!! Thank you Sherri for expressing what I have been saying....do we apologize because we are on crutches, because we are bald from chemo? Below is the revised card as I, personally, would (and will) write it. Hi. My husband has a diagnosis of early on set Alzheimer's disease and may say or do something inappropriate,as that is a symptom of this disease. Preserving his dignity is my ultimate goal. Thank you.
- Deb
September 23, 2008 9:16 p.m.
Why can't the Alzheimer's Org. develop and advertise to the public,a pin large enough to be seen, that identifies an lzheimer's caregiver. With enough publicity, which wouldn't hurt the organization's cause, people would begin to recognize what is causing the strange behavior, but also bring attention to the "epidemic"! I'd do this myself, but I'm also a caregiver to my wife.
- Richard Downey
July 31, 2008 3:11 a.m.
Wounderfull way to handel the situations, thanks for your tips.
- Deven
July 30, 2008 2:21 p.m.
I am a caregiver and I think this is a great idea! Then you are not talking negatively about the client especially in front of them. I love it!! Thanks for the tip!
- Andrea
July 30, 2008 1:39 p.m.
What a privilege to live in a small, rural community. My Dad, at 92, suffers from dementia, and commits many social gaffes in public. Because this ENTIRE town is a built-in support system, my Dad is STILL able to go out independently (on his electric scooter) to run small errands, to play bridge, to dine out on his own if MY scheduling is inconvenient. Finding his way home is NEVER a problem; finding his way TO various venues is difficult. Even with written reminders, he may go to the wrong place. I DO receive on-the-street reports or phone calls about any difficulties solved by local citizens. This allows my Dad to continue to live in his own home, with me.
- Keith Hipkins
July 27, 2008 7:33 a.m.
That is a great idea. At first when I read it I thought the heck with other people, because it seems someone always has something to say about something, there is not a lot of empathy out their unless you come across someone with the same problem. I have a chronic illness which can't be seen so hard for people to believe it and this makes it hard for me when I'm out and I'm thinking maybe the cards could help my situation. Thanks for the idea.
- Debra
July 23, 2008 4:49 p.m.
What a wonderful way to handle this. Thanks so much for sharing
- No name given
July 23, 2008 12:16 a.m.
What a great idea! Grandma has been in our care for nearly 6 years. The once vibrant socialite has become rather confused and often will make inappropriate comments to visitors. Most of our friends understand grandma's challenge but sometimes we'll be in the company of someone new. I'm off to get my business-size cards printed today! Thanks for the support! Sheryll
- Sheryll
July 22, 2008 8:52 p.m.
Being apologetic is just a polite thing to do. It lets the other person know that you are aware of their feelings as well. Who knows what their problems might be, they could be in a labor of love allso.
- Dare
July 22, 2008 8:46 p.m.
I have found the card to be a big help for my husband. He still looks good and I'm perceived as being a bossy wife by a lot of people. Alzheimers is beginning to be a house hold name but there is still a lot of ignorance about the disease, especially since each case is as different as snowflakes. God Bless Our Caregivers.
- Virginia
July 22, 2008 8:02 p.m.
The card is a good idea and should help ease awkward situations. I hope the caregiver would not say, "They" rather than "He" or "She." "They" is plural and you are talking about only one husband, mother, wife, etc. "He" or "She" should be the start the second sentence, using a capital letter. There is no reason to use poor grammar or punctuation when explaining the situation as it becomes a distraction.
- Judy
July 18, 2008 9:24 a.m.
I agree with you Shari: the majority of today's population is informed, or at least aware of this condition to some degree. Therefore, a simple comment about our loved one's condition should be enough.
- beverly
July 16, 2008 4:37 a.m.
While I like the idea of informing others about my mother's condition so that they may understand her behavior, I do not feel I need to apologize for her behavior caused by her disease. When my sister's autistic child exhibits behavior that causes discomfort for others (I prefer this wording to "inappropriate"), she simply explains that he is autistic and most people nod and indicate their understanding. We should not feel the need to apologize for a medical condition that so many experience as though we are ashamed of our loved one.
- shari
19 comments posted