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• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• September 17, 2009 8:51 p.m.

  Those who call themselves Christian seem not to realize that the quote is "Love your neighbor AS YOURSELF". To me, this implies that if you do not value and care for yourself you are not able to truly love others.

  - Helen

• June 7, 2009 9:16 p.m.

  Where to start? One step at a time. Start with taking one hour for yourself. Put a no disturb sign on the door. Turn off the telephones. Meditation, self-hypnosis, singing out loud, drumming...there are so many ways to relax. Then add one hour for exercise. The first "no" is the hardest. Good luck to all who struggle with this!

  - Simone

• September 23, 2008 9:50 a.m.

  I had the same problem as Nellie, because I gave myself away to everyone I also ended up with clinical depression. Please take care of yourself first because depression is something you do not want to deal with in your lifetime. I am slowly learning to put myself first. Marsha

  - Marsha

• September 21, 2008 4:43 p.m.

  I am 79 and all my life helped others and now I find friends are busy themselves and I am learning to say no and just wish to enjoy my life by being happy and have time to do what I want. Margarita

  - Margarita tivey

• September 17, 2008 10:01 a.m.

  If I cant take care of myself, then how is it that I can take care of others? Selfcare means looking after my spiritual, mental and physical health. All three areas of care are necessary and work together to bring peace and serenity. When im looking after all three areas of my health, it becomes necessary to say no to things that hurt me. It also becomes necessary to share my peace with others.

  - Jerry K.

• September 13, 2008 4:13 p.m.

  I am unable to truly enjoy Peace until my "obligations of love" are fairly much intact. Defining fairly means that that call to my aging Mom, that visit to a sisk friend, cleaning that dirty corner of the kitchen, planning the week's activities, making "Mom" time for our two daughters or sending gum to our Grandkids. Whatever. At the end of each day - IF I have even COME CLOSE - Peace decends. It warms my heart and spirit and a little goes a long way. Peace is rare and I am grateful for every minute. You are all correct about saying NO. It is such a hard word to say, isn't it? YES is such a crowd pleaser! But I am weary of the wear and tear that has placed upon my life. As Rick Nelson said in the song "Garden Party" - "...so you can't please everybody...so you gotta please yourself." I'm always working on that and good luck to you too! PEACE OUT !!

  - Nurse Zoe

• September 12, 2008 9:40 a.m.

  I think the aspect of PEACE UNTO ONESELF should be made a part of the curiculum at the elementary levels in Schools and thereafter the same should be taught at a much advanced level at the undergraduate level. This brings in the awekeness amongs the people to enjoy the little beautiful things that the world has to offer to each one of us.

  - Deepak

• September 11, 2008 2:41 p.m.

  I think it's surprising how understanding people will be once you say no (nicely!) a few times. Your friends will appreciate your honesty; after all, you wouldn't want a friend to do something for you that you'd later resent, right? And if someone doesn't understand, do you really want to wear yourself down for an ungrateful person?

  - Caregiver

• September 11, 2008 12:57 p.m.

  After years of give-give-give I'm learning to take care of myself. I've been shocked to discover that other people do not remember/never noticed that I was sacrificing for them. That hurts! They top it off with complaining I'm ignoring them now. How does one find the line between self-care and selfishness?

  - susan

• September 11, 2008 7:27 a.m.

  I think that saying "no" to some (not necessarily all) of the "demands" for our time and lives is the most important thing. It certainly was for my wife and I about four years ago. Self-care is equally important: good food, adequate sleep, exercise, prayer for others, etc. We are blessed by living close to an ocean beach (but a park works equally well). My wife and I walk there as often as possible and it, along with the first two, has become a major stress reliever for both of us. We normally walk 4 miles a day at the beach or in the neighborhood. You don't have time? Just say no to some things. All of the above provides the opportunity to spend time with my best friend, my wife, and that relieves a lot of stress as we discuss the awesomeness of God's creation, our lives, opportunities, relationships, the kids, and the grandkids. Life is all about relationships and you have to continually evaluate your life in terms of "widgets" vs "relationships". We got rid of a lot of "clutter, widgets, and dust collectors" by giving the accumulated junk of 42 years of marriage with kids to those less fortunate than us. We stopped buying what we wanted in preference to what we needed and that relieved stress as well as gave us more to share with others. But it all started with saying "no". By the way, I work full-time.

  - John McLain

• September 10, 2008 10:12 a.m.

  As a young person I was always taught to think of everyone else before myself so I wouldn't be selfish. Never to put myself first. I am now 63 and it has taken me a long time to unlearn this. Taking care of oneself and putting oneself first sometimes is essential. We were never taught this. That is the reason so many of my generation have grown up with no confidence in themselves. We must be kind and caring to ourselves before we can be kind and caring to others. Thank you Dr Edward for reminding me to care for me!

  - Pauline

• September 10, 2008 9:26 a.m.

  I agree. I think many of us spend too much time trying to acquire outside of ourselves while the real treasure and source of peace is inside. In saying "yes" all the time, we try to acquire kudos fromother people. In doing this, we never get the praise we want. Nothing is ever enough and we are continually out of peace

  - karen keating

• September 10, 2008 7:45 a.m.

  I too have been seeking the path of peace in my life. It helps me to remember that even Jesus took time to go into the hills and be alone. Now I am trying to par down my activities to just the ones that support what I really want in life. With all the committees and boards and social events I find I can't keep my commitments and I end up feeling guilty and ashamed. Better to do less well, than to do much poorly.

  - joyce

• September 10, 2008 4:57 a.m.

  We are all caught up in our worldly commitments and ambitions, which is but natural. However, few of us have the guidance in our lives to realise that there has to be a line drawn out,crossing which is physically , emotionally and mentally, dangerous. Ultimately, we are all looking for PEACE, which can be very elusive, unless we prioritize what we want from life. We keep facing new challenges with time. The stresses in life never go away. So long as we are alive, it is only the quantum and nature of the stressors, that vary. So, it is imperative, that we figure out what is eventually good for us and our families.It is better that we lead a simpler and humbler life and remain at peace rather that chase the big dream which comes with its pound of flesh. Ofcourse, as pointed out, having implicit faith in God can help accept things which bother us, but, not all are truly able to place their entire selves in the hands of God and remain at peace. Actually, the doubters have the worst time since they cant even blame God for their miseries and the trials and tribulations that come their way. No doubt, daily spending some time on introspection will help figure out what needs to be done to bring some order in ones chaotic life. Somewhere down the line, we also need to understand that what ultimately matters is our own self and why are we stupid enough to jeoperdize our peace of mind for the sake of people who actually dont really matter at all.

  - P G Gaikwad

• September 10, 2008 1:37 a.m.

  Spot on! Many years of giving to others while never saying NO to them and YES to myself resulted in clinical depression. I still find it a constant struggle to be good to myself, allow myself to have some fun and allow my own creativity and originality to break through the expectations that others have for my life. But being aware is already a start, and to everybody out there who are like me: it's ok to be 'selfish' and put yourself first! Only when you are the best 'you' can you begin to give back to others.

  - Nellie

• September 9, 2008 11:15 p.m.

  I, too, am one of the many who cannot say no. It is a relief to learn that I am not alone with this problem. I am relating so strongly to the article, as well as to the posted comments. I feel that everyone is on point. I need to empower myself with courage to say no and to not feel guilty about it. I spend more time trying to please others and end up not taking care of myself. It is a difficult cycle to break.

  - Jenny

• September 9, 2008 8:28 p.m.

  This is so true. As a care giver we give to others and forget about ourselves. We can't seem to say no or put ourselves before others with feeling guilty. I am one of those people. But how do we change that behavior?

  - Diane

• September 9, 2008 6:33 p.m.

  Thanks for reassuring me that it is o.k. to say NO to some people and to sometimes think of myself & my own family's best interest instead of other people's concerns. Thanks, Becky

  - Becky

• September 9, 2008 5:22 p.m.

  Dr. Cregan and others, Stress sucks! Even past being able to say no and take care of yourself, a really important part for me is to remember that perfection is silly. It is subjective and often, unattainalbe. If a project or result is slightly different than I envisioned, its ok. Also, I often get stressed to the breaking point about things I can't change. Recognizing that this is unhealthy and breaking the habit is proving helpful, but I have to work really hard at it. Thank you!

  - Jessica

• September 9, 2008 5:06 p.m.

  Thank you, Dr. Cregan. You've hit the nail on the head with both; for me, especially the lack of "self-care 101". As a former RN who took wonderful care of everyone else, I paid a high price - my health. Auto-immune diseases now make it impossible for me to work, or even to volunteer my talents. I no longer feel resentful, and am finally learning both self-care and how to say "no". Thank you for your insight!

  - Bonnie

• September 9, 2008 4:47 p.m.

  Dr. Creagan-Thank you for telling me it's o.k. to say NO. I think you have hit the nail on the head.

  - Donnna S

• September 9, 2008 4:30 p.m.

  Dear Dr. Creagan, The only way to have true happiness is accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior. He is the one who made us and He is the completer of all we need. He paid the price that we could not pay and will never will be able to pay on the cross. He is where life begins. Blessing, Kathy

  - Kathleen

• September 9, 2008 3:15 p.m.

  I think you've got it. Those are two very important things to keep in mind during our rush through life. The "givers" should beware of being used by the "takers." Nobody's perfect. It's human to take the path of least resistance.

  - Roberta S.

• September 8, 2008 1:14 p.m.

  In recent years I've heard a lot of admonitions to "just say no" and take care of myself. It's clear that it would be beneficial, but not having learned how to do it early in life makes it very difficult to put into practice. I seem to struggle with this on a daily basis and don't always succeed. It's very easy to take on too much and not "say no" to myself.

  - No name given