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    Jennifer A. Kern, M.S., C.T.T.S.

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  • Quit smoking blog

  • Sept. 25, 2008

    Tips for supporting someone who's quitting tobacco

    By Jennifer A. Kern, M.S., C.T.T.S.

14 comments posted

Many people feel concern for a loved one who uses tobacco. It can be hard to know how to offer support to someone who is struggling with an addiction, especially if you've never "been there" yourself.

It can be frustrating to see someone you care for seemingly choose to do something harmful. At times you may feel hopeless, but there are things you can do to help.

  • Practice patience. Remember that it is up to your friend or family member to decide when it's the right time for them to stop smoking. Providing patience in the meantime can keep the door open for them to seek your support when they are ready.
  • Be positive. In any exchange you have regarding quitting, offer words of encouragement. Focus on how you feel about the effort they are making; let them know you feel happy and appreciative or that you are proud of them. It is important for your loved one to know how their effort affects you in positive ways.
  • Be understanding. Smoking is something that can be used to cope with many situations and emotions, such as boredom, stress, sadness or joy. It is important to realize that anyone who is quitting smoking is dealing with a big upheaval in their life. Try to express empathy for what your loved one is going through.
  • Show confidence. Don't underestimate the power of belief in your friend or family member's ability to quit. Focus on their current success instead of reminding them of past failures. Your trust and encouragement can be vital, particularly during moments when their own resolve may be wavering.
  • Get on board. Ask your loved one about the coping strategies they plan on using to quit and get involved in any way you can. For example, ask to join their new morning walking routine or help them avoid temptation by planning activities that take place in smoke-free settings.
  • Reward their progress. Make special plans with your friend or family member to recognize their hard work. Surprise them with small expressions of appreciation or encouragement. Celebrate their success on their quit date "anniversary" as frequently as each month or each week.

What is most important when supporting someone who is quitting smoking is to discover what they find to be most helpful. Each person responds differently to various kinds of support. Some people like a lot of praise and reminders of how well they are doing and others prefer non-verbal or quieter support where they aren't overly reminded of smoking. Talk to your friend or family member about what they think will be most effective for them.

At the end of they day, the key to successfully supporting a loved one who is quitting tobacco use is finding what's most meaningful to them and doing your best to meet their needs during this big transition.

For the tobacco users out there, what have you found to be helpful and supportive while quitting? And those of you who've supported someone in quitting, please share your tips. Thanks.

14 comments posted

blog index

  • November 17, 2009 7:12 p.m.

    Hi, I'm a student at Metro State of Denver. I'm researching a new product possibility; the product would be a "Quit Smoking" aide that offers a stepping down approach. I am a former smoker myself but I'm addicted to Commit lozenges and they contain nicotine. I would still buy them if they had zero mg of nicotine but they don't offer that. I would like to market a product that does. Anyways, I made this survey for my research project and it would really help me if anyone could take it [smokers, former smokers, and non-smokers are all welcome] Thanks so much. -- Casey Here's the link to the survey. http://www.surveygizmo.com/s/206243/r2zgt

    - Casey

  • August 12, 2009 10:17 a.m.

    I read these tips on how to be supportive for my boyfriend who is trying to quit and he just may be weird but he finds that the more he gets cheered on (you're doing great; keep it up; i'm so happy and proud of you... etc) the more he feels the pressure that he can not fail and therefore gets more stressed. I have found with him that if you let them go by their own schedule and not indicate how happy it has made you, how proud you are, the easier it is for the person who is quitting because they won't feel like they have disappointed you if they fail - because it is a very hard thing to do, especially when it becomes your scape-goat from other things in your life and all of a sudden you don't have one anymore. Does anyone have suggestions on activities to replace with smoking as a hobby?

    - Nicole

  • July 1, 2009 10:09 p.m.

    I found this site because I was looking for advice on how to be supportive, but also how to respect myself as I endure the b.s. (to paraphrase Michelle: "no cigs = b*tch") and mood swings of a cessator that I love. If I believed it would just be a couple of days of b.s., I'd just endure it, but it's likely to be repeated phases and cycles of b.s./b*tching. Being smoke free is the only reasonable goal, but getting there could be a very unpleasant ride, including for the passengers (loved ones). No matter how much the smoker may want to imagine "it's all about me," that simply isn't so. Being supportive but not victimized by a cessator's addiction and withdrawal symptoms is a fine line to walk. It would be nice if there were some tips on survival skills FOR the sake of the partners/loved ones too.

    - 2nd Hand

  • February 11, 2009 10:49 a.m.

    This website shows techniques and aids which help to quit smoking - How to quit smoking

    - Martin

  • January 25, 2009 7:26 a.m.

    I have been trying to stop smoking on and off for several years now. I found it easy to stop when i was pregnant. I would quit as soon as i found out, but would start again more than a year or so after giving birth.I have 3 boys now and i do not want them to keep watching us go outside to have a smoke. I am afraid they will pick up this bad habit one day and that is not something i want to pass on to my children. Trying to stop smoking without being pregnant is very difficult for me. Last time i tried to quit cold turkey and my husband gave me cigs because he couldn't handle my mood swings. No cigs for me = Bit_ _! I smoke between 10-20 a day and my goal is 0. I am about to try the patches along with trying to get more exercise, sleep and taking my vitamins again. Wish me luck! Good luck to all of you! ;)

    - Michelle

  • October 24, 2008 11:51 a.m.

    Regarding what "the kid" said, I have to agree with you. I think the only reason they have not banned it is because while it is bad for your health and over time it can kill you, not everyone who smokes dies from it, it's not the same as the illicit drugs that can kill you the first time you do them. Smoking is not mind altering like crack or heroine, another reason it's not been banned. It's only dangerous enough for them to slowly but surely take away the rights of smokers and badger them to quit. I am a smoker and I would love to quit and the urge to quit gets stronger everyday so I am hoping that in time I won't be supporting the tobacco companies anymore.

    - Julie

  • October 16, 2008 12:22 p.m.

    Oh..how I 100% agree with the kids comments..but in the same time..I have tried 3x..with no success..becasue I gave in just when I thought I was going to totally snap..I will one day succeed..hopefully before they close the lid on me..

    - No name given

  • October 14, 2008 4:09 p.m.

    I have just eMailed the link to hundreds of smokers in the about.com smoking cessation international eMail chat room. In my more than 28 years as a volunteer smoking cessation educator, motivator, and counselor, I have not seen an article such as this one, and the approach it recommends for those wishing to help one in ridding themselves of their "smoking prison". I stopped smoking in 1980, and find the very same things in this article as were presented to us in an 8 week session with SmokEnders. I love what I am now doing as a participant in the about.com international smoking cessation Chat Room http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/quit-smoking-blog/MY00277 Dave

    - Dave Wallace (aka "smokerdave") in Chat Room

  • October 8, 2008 8:47 a.m.

    All of your comments have inspired me.I once had a spark to quit and it died. But now im on fire! I wont let the fear of the unknown stop me. Ill take 1 day at a time,and doing a 5k should help. Thanks for taking the time to post your comments.

    - Crazy Beautiful

  • October 8, 2008 8:23 a.m.

    It's hard to get out of bed, it's hard to get myself to go to work, it's hard to quit smoking. None of those statements are true, it's what you believe. I quit smoking Dec. 2 1994 at 4 pm. The fear of the unknown and not knowing what to expect made qutting seem hard. Knowing in advance what to expect and how you will feel makes the difference

    - garyk

  • October 4, 2008 6:29 a.m.

    i am on the road to quit smoking,since 2nd Oct i have not took a single puff even in a company of smokers. i have not faced any problem in doing that till now.

    - dr ajay agarwal

  • October 2, 2008 11:00 a.m.

    When I decided to quit smoking, I didn't tell anyone. I carried my cigarettes with me and took my usual cigarette break with my "smoking buddies." It was over a month before anyone realized that I was no longer smoking. For me, not telling anyone took the pressure off, in case I failed. I chewed a lot of sugar-free gum and tried to keep my hands busy (crotching, needlepoint, etc.). It's been three years and I now know I have kicke the habit completely. This summer was a doozie - divorce, my father passed away and my mother moved in with me. I have hd no desire to smoke during all of this! I would strongly recommend not attempting to quit unless you really want to quit. If it's something you think you should do or you are doing for someone else, I think it will be more difficult to be successful. Do it for you.

    - paulette

  • October 2, 2008 12:07 a.m.

    I stopped cold turkey after being a chain smoker. (Four packs a day) I found that by keeping cigarettes in all the many places I was accustomed to- in the car, the coffee table, bedside table,kitchen cupboards,desk drawers,pockets, just everywhere, I could dare myself not to touch a single packet to help myself to a smoke. Each day made my resolve stronger. I felt that had I removed them from my reach it would have cleared the way for me to ask a fellow smoker for a puff. A strange way of doing a reverse dependency, as I called it, but it worked. After weaning myself off day by day I no longer had the slightest desire to return to my addiction. Finding something to do with my hands was the the hardest part. Fidgiting went on for quite some time, then stopped one day. Twentyone years now of waking every morning and not going into a hacking coughing spell. I sometimes wonder how I ever got a date with that awful tobacco stench on me and my belongings, and, the amazing part of it all is that I married a non-smoker.

    - Brennan

  • October 1, 2008 1:51 a.m.

    i find it interesting that our government allows the use of a dangerous substance, but will keep us from using other less dangerous things. i suppose that the tobacco companies are one of the their money trails. i`m a smoker,and in my view if they really cared about our health they`d ban tobacco being grown for smoking,but the politicians like their money so it aint going to be right what our government decides. it`s a money maker for them and their addicted to wealth

    - the kid

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