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• October 24, 2009 9:27 p.m.

  I am a woman and having significant problems with a man I believe, has some depression issues...and it is so hard convincing him to get help. I believe our friends sometimes blame the lady at home for any problems, also. He is unwilling to so far to get help...he does great at work on the surface, but has a non-existent life at home, and long-term doesn't move up w/career. It is getting worse, and it involves a lot of anger and low self esteem. He also overeats and video games under stress. Yet he has a job with a low stress level. I am going to try to help him, don't know how without him wanting it.

  - JA

• August 10, 2009 3:20 p.m.

  I am an expectant Mom for the 2nd time and I think my husband is going thru depression. He refuses to get help because he says he is not depressed. We have been together for 17yrs and he thinks I don't know him by now. He has lost interest in everything including sex. He says his mind is so full of thoughts that he can't enjoy it. I have been trying for the past 2 months to get him to get help, but it has been useless. They say it is rare for men to get depressed during a woman's pregnancy but this all started a couple of weeks before I found out I was pregnant. This is tearing our family apart also, especially since we were so looking forward to conceiving again after 14yrs. Is there any type of natural medication that I give him for now, while it sinks in that he needs help.

  - Stressed and worried

• June 4, 2009 8:47 p.m.

  I met a wonderful man with whom we were extremely compatible and things were going great and we were falling in love. Then he started having alot of stressful things occur in his life & started to show signs of depression. Then he told me that he loved me and then he broke up with me all in the same breath. He said he broke up with me because he didn't want to take me down an unknown path. He did indicate that he started seeing a therapist. He has severed all contact with me, he doesn't call or email or anything. I do love him and want to help him any way I can but should I honor his wishes and remove myself from the situation or should I try and reach out to him. If I reach out to him, I don't want it to backfire on me. I am heartbroken; does anyone have any suggestions? I have never had to face a situation with a a loved one having depression and need guidance.

  - DT

• May 21, 2009 6:28 p.m.

  Many more men have depression than is commonly thought - some of them overcompartmentalize their life and while they may be doing great at work, are actually totally absent at home. That can be difficult to see unless you live with them. They also show an absence of a normal range of emotions; they also can show anger instead of the usual "sad" emotions we think of when we think of depression.

  - JA

• April 24, 2009 2:04 p.m.

  I think my husband is suffering from depression. I tried to talk to him last night, after two days of silence that came after he sent me a "I'm not happy at home anymore" text message. I've also noticed that he has thrown himself into a new diet and excercise. He spends a lot of time away from home, and when he is home, he doesn't participate in our family. He refuses to take part in any type of counseling. How do I get him to see a doctor about depression? This is not normal behavior for him; the anger is tearing our family apart. What am I supposed to do?

  - A Wife on Pins and Needles

• April 3, 2009 1:55 p.m.

  My husband of 20 years (in 12 days), has been diagnosed with depression recently. He is a retired deputy sheriff, injured in the line of duty 5 years ago. He feels like he had failed me and the kids because he doesn't feel like the man he was. He desperately misses being an officer. I feel he has lost his identity. He has had his ups and downs over the past 5 years, but within the last 8 months things started getting worse, and I thought he was just stressed with his new job. I left him alone when he was moody, because when he gets moody thats what he wants. After about 2 months of it, I finally asked him what was going on, because he is not one to talk. He started verbally attacking me and telling me I pushed him away. I have tried repeatedly to tell him how much I love him and I'm sorry I gave him the space I thought he wanted and needed. We are now seperated because he wanted time to be alone so he could "get his head on straight", this was before he was diagnosed. Since being diagnosed, I have tried to get him to come back home to me and our two kids that desperately miss their father. He tells me he likes being alone. He has gone to the doctor and is taking medication that helps him a little, but he will not seek therapy. He feels less of a man, he told me. I don't know what else to do, I give him constant support that he sometimes likes and sometimes gets mad at. Any advice would be great. I need help!!!

  - Extremely scared wife

• March 24, 2009 11:12 a.m.

  My boyfriend (34) suffers from depression and will not admit it. Over the past 3 years it has gotten worse and I can almost peg the times where it will peek to the week. I don't know what to do for him I have suggested seeing a doctor, therapist, etc but he feels that his counselling doesn't help and refuses to see the doctor. He only sleeps for an hour at a time at night and wakes up with heart pounding anxiety and each time he enters these deep depressions it is harder and harder on me and our relationsihp. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know how to support him. I feel that I am enabling his behaviour by staying with him as he treats me very poorly when he is like this, but I love him and don't want to turn my back on him. I just want to get him help so he doesn't feel like this anymore. Is there anything that I can do that would help him get the help he needs? HELP!!!!

  - Supportive girlfriend

• December 29, 2008 9:09 p.m.

  Exactly what are the rates for major depression between and women? My impression is that most experts agree that women are twice as likely to develop clinical depression during their lifetime. But is that really so? What if of depression in men is underdiagnosed because: 1) men usually have very different symptoms (as this post indicates) and 2) men are less likely to see someone for their mental health issues. My guess is that if you can somehow control for these variables you'd find very similar rates of depression. Has anyone actually attempted such studies? I think a similar phenomenon may contribute to much lower levels of depression in Japan. It's probably not because Japanese are 'happier', but rather because of cultural issues surrounding depression.

  - IAK

• December 16, 2008 5:55 p.m.

  My husband has been acting differently in the last year or so, he is always irritated angry and mad. he complains with so many physical symptoms. all his medical exams and test coming back normal. I do not know what to do I checked the following site http://www.anxietyzone.com and I can relate to some of the discussion there. I think he suffers from anxiety disorders. My question is how i an convince him to see a psychologist.

  - concerned wife

• December 6, 2008 7:23 p.m.

  I am a 26 year old male and I fit all the symptoms described for male depression. I am irritably, I change moods alot and snap sometimes. I can get easly sad for some reason. My question is how Can I resolve this issue, what can I do to be better and happier

  - Concerned & Confused

• November 1, 2008 12:31 p.m.

  I suppose one could attribute the seemingly lower occurrence of depression in men to the fact that we live in a society that expects men to be able to handle their minimal feelings, a society that glorifies the psychopathic tendencies of action heroes and has no place for sensitivity. Maybe this same societal construct could be seen as a reason for why men tend to complete suicide with much more frequency than women.

  - Ramsay

• October 30, 2008 11:28 a.m.

  Thank you for the article about mens'depression.The symptoms of anger, irritability and being discouraged are certainly what I experienced. In a stressful and demanding job I found myself avoiding tough challenges. I had no confidence in my abilities which actually were very good. My thinking was many times irrational and unrealistic. I was plaqued by several painful physical illnesses for which there seemed to be no treatment. Although I don't recall thinking of suicide, my dreams were often about me being carried out of my house in a body bag. All my relationships suffered particularly family and friends. Being in the military worsened the situation as asking for treatment for depression and the associated symptoms, was frowned upon and could have negatively affected my career.To survive I knew I had to make deep changes to my life. I therefore resigned from the military, connected with an MD who prescribed some excellent medication, went into therapy with a physcologist who brought me back from the edge of disaster, and met and married a wonderful woman who gave me a daily foundation of sanity and stability. I am also in a self-help group that has provided me with many close and loving friends.All the foregoing took a number of years, but through it all I had hope that I deserved a better and happy life. My hopes have been realized, and I am grateful.

  - Doug

• October 29, 2008 7:35 p.m.

  My husband is suffering from severe depression but is having symptoms that include loss of sensation and loss of taste. Is this something that can happen with depression and what can be done to fix this?

  - Anne

• October 29, 2008 6:44 p.m.

  why is it said the woman cuts off sex - maybe men needs to take a look at what they are contributing to the situation.

  - ann mn

• October 29, 2008 6:24 p.m.

  Despression comes when your wife cuts off sex. When your hearing fails. When you have absolutely nothing more to live for. THAT is when depression comes

  - Tommy

• October 28, 2008 9:23 p.m.

  Depression is definitely a major cause for unhappiness. There are things that can be done for a bout of depression where there is a reason for it. In these situations we slowly reconcile to the bitter reality and overcome the bad mood. The problem is when you feel blue without any tangible cause or for even the smallest of reasons. Of course professional help is the most logical solution but as what Lee had written the so called professionals are bothered about getting more and more appointments and not genuinely interested in alleviating the suffering. May be they become numb to sufferings. So, one recourse may be spiritual pursuit. Whatever rationalists say (I myself is a rationalist) there are many cases when a person get involved in spirituality he becomes happier and are able to find more meaning in life. Here too one should guard against addiction to spirituality too. The idea is not to get addicted also. Even to the God.

  - Devidas

• October 27, 2008 1:05 p.m.

  Depression is a symptom of a disease not a disease on it's own. All of the symptoms many wrongly say are caused by depression are just additional symptoms of the same disease process causing the depression. If you can find and treat this disease the depression will get better along with the other symptoms. The problem is most doctors are incompetent when it comes to diagnosing what is really wrong with their patients. They are too busy trying to make as much money as they can as quickly as they can to spend enough time with a patient to really find out what is wrong. Lee

  - Lee

• October 27, 2008 1:00 p.m.

  Please do not put in web sites, your full name, e-mail address, etc. Thank you for respecting this boundary. We reserve the right to remove offensive material posted to the blog.

  - MC. Com Staff

• October 26, 2008 3:55 p.m.

  This has worked wonders for me. Locate Salmon Oil in 1000mg (that's one gram) soft gel dosage format, which is high in the Omega 3's: EPA (say, 360mg) and DHA (say, 250mg).I recommend these dosages because they are the very gel caps that I take. Give him 3 caps with his breakfast and 3 with his evening dinner. Tell him you are concerned about your diet balance, yours and his; your heart, your blood pressure, and so on, but be directive, allow no argument: he's to take them and that's that. You take them as well, to seal the deal, as it were. There are many claims made regarding fish oils and omega 3 fatty acids. As they say, some of them may even be true! For my part, I began to ingest them as a regimen to counter cancer and heart disease following surgery for cancer (my right kidney was removed in May2004) and an immediately ensuing heart attack. I was 64 in 2004 and found that my lifelong struggle with depression increasingly became really burdensome with the onset of these alarming health issues: you see, I had always been fit, physically. I should say, here, that I otherwise follow a conventional medical treatment schedule.I take a statin and a betablocker, have MRIs, CT scans and so on. As my depression deepened, not one of the many MDs I see regularly paid attention to my mental state - not surprising, really, given the ongoing battle with various cancer markers that we are constantly pursuing. yQjCwb

  - Brent

• October 24, 2008 11:51 a.m.

  Thank you for sharing your stories. It is so hard to see someone you love in pain. Keep encouraging them and go to the Doctor with them. Try therapy if it hasn't been tried. Tell your loved one you care deeply for them and that depression can be treated. Tell them you will be the cheerleader for them while they feel poorly. No Doctor, spouse, friend, or clergy can make someone follow a treatment plan, but an ongoing, consistent supportive presence can be very effective. Encourage your loved one to keep an open mind regarding treatment options offered by your health care provider. Be willing to try anything! If your spouse won't seek treatment, get support for yourself, so you can remain healthy.

  - MC.Com Staff

• October 24, 2008 8:59 a.m.

  I can identify with the description in the article. My husband realizes he has depression, but will not seek treatment as it has failed him in his late teen years. (He is now 28.) He has a high resistance to drugs of any kind, which necessitates increased dosages if they even effect him at all, so he doesn't really have hope that he can get the help he needs to lift out of this, giving him the strength and courage to go to counselling. He has bouts of extreme anger, a looming sadness and frustration that peaks at times, and a constant feeling of inadequacy which affects his self-esteem and his "highs" are more like a flat line, an absence of depression, not the presence of joy. It isn't the typical crying jag and hopelesness that occurs in women, though he has occasionally talked to me about suicide. When living on his own during a deep depression, he only left the house to work, barely ate but gained weight rapidly (perhaps due to sugar binges he has at these times), and didn't speak to anyone except occasionally me (which was only angry outbursts) since I was checking on him so often. That was an extreme time I hope to never repeat. How do I help him help himself? He really wants to change this, but seems stuck. No amount of pain or loss, physical or mental, motivates him. We now have a 7m baby. Is this hereditary? He is truly otherwise a wonderful man, he just needs some help. (Suggestions/expertise appreciated.)

  - Sandy

• October 23, 2008 8:07 a.m.

  My ex-husband (age 60) recently passed away. He died alone, friendless, living in a squalid trailer where the roof was falling in and the toilet had not worked in years; he had the money to buy a new place to live. There was rotting food in pots all over the stove & cabinets; the plates in the cabinets were covered with lakes of nicotine; the stench could be smelled at the street. He was an alcoholic and a chain smoker, looked like a skeleton, had not had a haircut in months, had bloody diahrea and would not see a doctor; he only left his house to buy more cigarettes & alcohol. His daily routine was to drink, smoke, and read. Many years ago he was the corporate controller of a fortune 500 company. His family was not able to convince him to get help and they were not able to help him. He was in deep depression and it got worse when his mother passed away. This is the story of what happened to him over his last 25 years of life. He was a brilliant CPA, a veteran, and was very handsome in his early years. How many more men like this are out there? What can be done to help them before it's too late?

  - Betty