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• December 22, 2009 8:22 p.m.

  The Bible says" "Love one another as you love yourself." Self care is therefore a Biblical mandate! If God said so, it must be true. How can we give unless we have a reservoir of strength to draw upon. Proper rest, vacation times, and nutrition are necessary building blocks to a healthy life. Barbara A. "Cry Depression, Celebrate Recovery" - soon to be released.

  - Barbara

• July 17, 2009 6:07 p.m.

  I had a meltdown approximately two and a half years ago. I understand the importance of setting limits. Sometimes one has to have the strength to defend oneself from others' expectations. A little personal history to start off with. I'm forty-something and a widow for sometime. Being single now is entirely different from when I was in college. There is more responsibility such as upkeeping my home, balancing my budget, maintaining health, setting appropriate money aside for retirement and still having enough stamina to do what I want in life to be happy. I didn't realize I was attempting to be a female prototype of superman. I am often reminded that I'm "lucky", since I don't have any children or I don't have the interesting dynamics of in-laws anymore. Unknowingly, I was wrestling between thoughts of "it's okay for I'm only human" and "there are no excuses for not doing _____". I am slowly learning to ask for help and not permitting initial rejections to discourage me from asking others who are available. Brainstorming options to a solution and persuing that choice without caving in to external criticism is a motto I am adopting. Not giving up so readily is enabling as well. At times I become frustrated so easily.

  - FC

• May 17, 2009 8:40 p.m.

  Your comments make a lot of sense. I just don't have the tools to put it into action. How do you know when to draw the line between taking care of others and take care of yourself?

  - Suzanne

• November 6, 2008 10:50 a.m.

  Fibromyalgia is a impairment that is not widely accepted in the medical community. But thru my work, I have viewed many patient history of Fibromyalgia and all are highly motivated people that take on alot of stress both professionally or personally, and over time your body really does just say 'stop' and shuts down. We must all care for our internal and external workings that we have been given so we can teach the next generation!

  - stacey

• October 30, 2008 10:49 a.m.

  I like the comment that we are all ambassadors -- if we each did a little good in the world here and there we would have a huge effect AND preserve our balance easily. Doing a lot of good all the time would be draining -- we usually end up calling those people saints -- and it is usually short-lived.

  - vj

• October 29, 2008 10:29 a.m.

  I've appreciated reading this post and the comments. Something that has struck me is the difference between self-neglect, self-awareness and self-absorption. The balance I think can be achieved in the realm of self-awareness. I assist clients, some of whom go from the extremes of self-neglect, that is, paying no attention to the existence, must less fulfilment of, their own needs and limits--to the other extreme of becoming totally self-focused to the point of feeling helpless. Like many, when young I was taught that selflessness was a virtue. Bu too many of us, perhaps, have suffered under the misapprehension that selflessness must involve self-neglect, or that self-awareness is somehow equivalent to selfishness. By cultivating self-awareness--always a work-in-progress--the illusions that give rise to self-absorption or self-neglect can frequently dissipate. We don't have to be all things to all people; but we're not helplessly adrift in life either.

  - Alan

• October 29, 2008 8:24 a.m.

  I totally agree! If you are not the commander of your boat (like we say in Spanish) then you cannot take care of your own. We need to stop putting other people in front of us (our parents, wife, husband, friends, etc...) and take responsibility for our lives with their pros and cons.

  - Fernando

• October 28, 2008 9:26 p.m.

  Absolutely right on about this one. After working hard to get a Ph.D while raising two traumatized children alone ( and with no social support group, I was an orphan and their father had committed a crime which rendered communication impossible, and in unwanted). I had ab=n "I can do anything attitude" and did in fact get the first tenure track job I applied for. Here i am, on medical leave, due to a variety of illnesses, after 16 years of non stop overload as a professor. My area is in children who abuse animals, and this is a hard area to work in, but as a counselor, somebody had better pay attention to that which we are all appaled by. I think it is a matter of learning a) we do not need the approval of others when we know we are doing important work, no matter what it is ...mothering , studying etc. 2) we need to either learn how to cope in a degrading work environment, or consider leaving it 3) right now, I am mustering up all the courage i can, because my work environment is very difficult, Maine is very different from California, and i feel as if I am an alien. I don't understand the way people respond, I often feel isolated, and I hurt physically and emotionally. I am spending this break taking care of myself. I had no idea how tired I was (i sleep until noon, and i used to get up at 5 am) I hurt , my back and legs and feet...I still dance, I love it, but at my age, it hurts and that is hard (I am 54).

  - Dr. Sydney Carroll

• October 28, 2008 6:11 p.m.

  Self care is essential and important. I deal with an aging parent and a disabled spouse and still work full time. But I still deal with a certain amount of guilt when I take the time I need to maintain my mental stability. I think that awareness and education to the needs of caregivers is as important as to the ill/sick/aged individual. I'm glad to see more attention given to what mental exhaustion/weariness can do. Keep up the good work of promoting what stress can do to individuals and the ways to deal with it.

  - nab

• October 28, 2008 5:13 p.m.

  I have read all the comments above and realize that I too am stressed. No matter what I do it is never enough. I always feel guilty about work when at home and feel guilty at home about unfinished work. We live in a rat race. I know I look around and see others do so well and they don't look frazzeled at all and I think it is just me I need to work at this pace some more to get everything under control. SOmewhere along the way I tought if I take time for me I am selfish or weak. Neither trait is something anyone wants to be considered. I go home late from work or come back to work in the evenings to catch up. My children are feed and sports or homework done and then I return to work until late again. I do find after doing this for many years that there is no pay off at work or at home. Too tired to have fun with the kids and too serious at work to enjoy the job. I wish I had taken a break many years ago and then perhaps things would much more enjoyable now. I haven't stop to smell the daisies but I am trying to re-plan things out for the near future. I only hope that I can do this in time to enjoy my parnets and children before something happens to any of us. Read and reflect on these thoughts. I hope it helps someone else out as well.

  - Cat

• October 27, 2008 4:35 p.m.

  About 14 years ago when my caring and loving husband and father of our only daughter passed away. Our 3 years old daughter became angry, frustrated and didn’t know what happen to her loving daddy. I too became ill and didn’t know how to calm her down or deal with the stress and griving. A fried recommended I take her to a child psychologist, so I did. Before examing the child well, the DR recommend medicine so quickly. I refused not medicate my child and choose to cut my work schedule and spend more time with my daughter. My daugheter today is a healthy college student. In addition, I too work a fastpaced production environment, so I understand when I am stressed. Therefore I do take mini brakes & walk during work hours and try to release the daily stressers. Stress not only make up ill but it can kill us to. Nina

  - Nina

• October 27, 2008 8:10 a.m.

  Absolutely! I am 25 years old. I got married three years ago, had a baby two years ago, graduated college six months ago and began working an 8-5 job two days after graduation. The "real" world came at me fast... I was speeding along, trying to keep up with it all until about two months ago when it all caught up. I began having terrible headaches, followed by panics attacks that were so severe I thought I was going to have to go to the E.R. due to my rapid and uncontrollable heartbeat. For the first time in my life, I felt isolated and abnormal. This went on for about three weeks until I literaaly could not get out of bed or function. I knew it was time to see a doctor. She turned out to be my angel in disguise. She reminded me of the importance of here and now; about how if you don't take care of yourself, first and foremost, you can never sufficiently take care of the others around you. I began running again (a passion I had lost sight of in the midst of it all), doing yoga and just taking more time in general to breathe deep and comtemplate peace and tranquility. These minor adjustments hade a major difference. My life is now back in balance and rather than feeling like I am running as fast as I can just to keep up, I am jogging steadily at a median pace and feel more balnced than ever. It is truly important to take care of ourselves. I at one time thought it selfish to put myself before my child and husband, but realize now that by taking care of ME, I am helpin

  - Tiffany

• October 25, 2008 11:49 p.m.

  I'm only recently realizing how much this is true. I've pushed and done so much, now my health won't allow the old pace. Have you heard of a book called "Margins" by Richard Swenson? Really life changing for me.

  - Anita

• October 25, 2008 5:42 p.m.

  I agree. I never thought that I had my own physical and mental limits until my father died in his sleep and my only sister died of a year long illness 4 months later. My mother then depended on me and I was scared of losing her too. I then almost a year later passed out with no warning and was diagnosed with anxiety. I had to learn to take care of myself.

  - Jody

• October 25, 2008 4:58 a.m.

  I agree with you that we should also look after ourselves.We cant be that much of help or effective if we are stress out.Physically and psychologically, we need to be healthy and we need to maintain these by looking after ourselves. Stress not only make us ill but also make us stupid.

  - Farida

• October 24, 2008 9:58 p.m.

  .Yes,from my opinnion,I agree with you.The good healthy mind is in a healthy body.Thank you

  - a Thailadish

• October 24, 2008 9:10 p.m.

  you are so right and I love the way you commented on us all being missionaries and that we need to take care of ourself or there is nothing left.

  - ikftate