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    Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

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  • May 19, 2009

    Blog: Sandwich generation — Don't forget to take care of yourself too

    By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

4 comments posted

Some of life's most powerful lessons are delivered at the oddest moments. Let me explain.

A few days ago, I was walking from our parking ramp into our clinic building, self-absorbed and pondering the challenges and the opportunities of the day. I came upon a colleague who was obviously limping and uncomfortable. I asked my colleague — a wonderful clinician, respected researcher and sought-after speaker — how she came to be limping. She explained that that in the past year, she'd abandoned her exercise program and, as expected, had gained weight. She further explained that the weight gain and deconditioning had lead to a severe knee injury, which required major reconstructive surgery. Because of the resulting pain in her knee, she'd begun to shift her weight to the other leg — and had developed a painful hip problem. I empathized with this cascade of unfortunate events.

She lamented to me, "If only I knew then what I know now, I would have taken better care of myself." She explained that she is the poster child for the "sandwich generation" — caring for her young family and her elderly father. My colleague shared with me that the one item consistently missing from her daily to do list is "taking care of myself." She is faced with a real dilemma of trying to make time to care for herself in the midst of caring for others.

I realize there are no easy solutions, but what advice can any of us share with our colleague who is obviously struggling with some very difficult issues?

4 comments posted

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  • June 1, 2009 1:59 p.m.

    It sounds like there are two interrelated issues here - sandwiching ourselves, and a subsequent reduction in self-care. There are online tools like Microsoft HealthVault (http://www.healthvault.com/personal/scenario/get-organized.html) that are immensely helpful in dealing with exactly these issues. We can help our parents keep track of their health and communicate with their doctors even if we're far away, and use the same tools to focus our efforts at self-care more efficiently. I'm the go-to person for my parents' healthcare issues (they don't like pestering their doctor, despite my constant reminders that that's why he went to med school), and I'm guiding them toward HealthVault - they aren't as tech-savvy as me, but they can use email and the web, and that's pretty much all they need to do with my assistance. In the meantime, I'm measuring my BP and weight more often and recording it so my own doctor has a better sense of where I'm at - I'm hoping to pull out of my recent rapid weight gain! I like your stress reduction ideas, too - they're key to keeping it all together to have any energy at all to focus, efficiently or not! Take care!

    - Rob

  • May 26, 2009 4:55 p.m.

    Thank you Liz for your comments-I'm not just sandwiched-I'm a double cheeseburger! Between my husband and I we have five aged 83 and older-I've been in hospice care for years so I get called frequently and when "other family" do not understand my "ways and means" it creates a whole new set of stressors-added to that is then my parents, already sporting a pacemaker and defibrillator is my Dad at only 64! My Mom is still trying to get in her last three years of work and I've just completed rounds of treatment for breast cancer and my husband was just diagnosed with stomach cancer and will start his treatments. We are still raising our youngest of three children, who is autistic! For me, prayer, a Gazelle glider, and knowing to whom and when I have to say NO (in a gentle but firm way) is survival-and laughter, support of friends and cooperative family, walking away from what I know is a battle I cannot fight and having learned I cannot protect my family who needs it most, the elderly, from those who stand between me and them (even though they are not trained and qualified to make the decisions they are making-no matter how much it is hurting my grandparents or in-laws) has become a part of the "toolbox of traits" that help me cope and keep myself healthy and my own family healthy. So, here's to prayer, quiet time, hot showers, long walks when angered and frustrated, and to learning the hardest two letter word to use there is-no-We are managing

    - Deanna

  • May 20, 2009 8:35 a.m.

    I took care of my father in my home for over 3 years while my mother was in a local nursing home. I also have a teenage daugher. Having my dad in our home took a huge toll on my family. Finally, I convinced him that he needed more care than I could provide and he moved into assisted living. I am happier, he is much happier with the socialization and companionship, and my family is feeling less stressed. Don't put off the move into a care facility! It can be the best thing for everyone involved.

    - Dorothy

  • May 19, 2009 10:25 p.m.

    Oh yes! How I relate to this! Include the lower back and then climb up to the neck. A pinch of headache as a result. On and on it goes... Let's do something preventative rather than reactive! Massage....meditation....exercise....relaxation....laughter....

    - Liz

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