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• Housecall
• Alzheimer's caregiving
• Living with cancer

• March 25, 2008 11:26 p.m.

  My husband has MS, diabetes, prostate cancer, hss had two heart attacks, angioplasty and surgery (5 bypasses and a LIMA). He became disabled by fatigue and loss of short term memory all in the past few years. We have six grown adult children with families (our grandchildren). One daughter and her family will have nothing to do with any of us. She has not spoken to me or bothered with us for nearly 3 years. She always seemed so angry with her father (my "ex"), but when he passed on about 3 years ago, she turned all her rage towards me. Her father and I were divorced in 1978! I do voluntteer work at the hospital, I am involved with my church family, as well, I am a piano accompanist for a choir and several soloists and have many friends and family all over our city. We live in a good community, have great neighbors, and good friendships, We love all our family totally! But this one situation hurts worse than any thing that has ever happened to us. How can someone be so cruel and hateful without having some kind of mental illness? So, from time to time I hit a low that makes it hard to function. My daughter is 46 years old and eveyone would be happy to haave her participating in the family. She is, of course, loved deeply. It wouldn't hurt if we didn't care. When there is so much love around, why would she want to be so angry? What are my daughter and family getting as a reward from this? It can't make them happy can it? Norma

  - No name given

• February 22, 2008 1:32 p.m.

  Anna ~ What do your elderly relatives complain and whine about? Why do you feel angry afterwards? In dealing with my own 91 yo grandma, I know there can be a sense of frustration and a "there are people in this world who have it worse than you, Grandma" mentality. Every conversation I have with her (truly every)is a lengthy run down of her medical ailments, doctors visits and procedures. Sometimes it even feels like a competition! I was going for a depo-medrol injection in my spine to alleviate spinal stenosis nerve pain and she ended up going to the same doctor for the same thing 2 days after me! But I have learned something from my own declining health (I am 46) that puts it into perspective. It is not so much the illness that is hard to deal with, it is the loss of control. My grandma is at the end of her life and she is trying to control what little she can. When people can't control what directly affects them, they can become angry. Remembering this may help.

  - Lori

• February 13, 2008 8:52 a.m.

  I went through a nasty divorce 10+ years ago.I was very depressed and realised I needed help to cope with the situation and my daughters. A counsellor who really listened to me and a psychiatrist with a no nonsense approach helped me immensely. I will never forget the psychiatrist saying to me, when you are confronted with a problem, take a step back. Decide if this issue will matter in 5 minutes, a day, a week, next month, next year or in 5 years time. Deal with the 5 year and possibly 1 year issue - let the others go.In the grander scheme of things they don't matter. This advice has helped me immensely

  - Lynda

• February 6, 2008 8:12 p.m.

  We should always think positive to attract more energy, to be a better person in time of trials & life must go on because whatever happens it is our responsibility to do good always...Thanks.

  - Nery

• January 30, 2008 5:06 p.m.

  Your gentlemen in Mn. is right on tract - we only lose ourselves when we allow ourselves to lose focus, become distracted, let others dictate to us, and give up the fight. Remember Jimmy V who lost a battle to cancer but to this day continues to fight the battle - he always said 'never give up'!!!

  - Kathi Connors

• January 6, 2008 4:45 p.m.

  I need to learn how to be with relatives who whine and complain constantly and who have little to no interest in me or my life. They are elderly. Any advice? I feel angry after I am exposed to them for any length of time. Thanks!

  - Anna

• December 30, 2007 4:27 p.m.

  Before submitting my comment, the last sentence is incomplete. I stated that there are 2 sides to "Twin's" comment. I felt that it was more personal than blunt. It is true some people look for sympathy and have self-pity; however, to say it seems MANY people enjoy being in that state of mind or condition, in my opinion felt was a personal statement being made to someone. As the point being made was that perhaps they made a mistake or how they made someone feel. What about mistakes made and how someone made them feel? In my situation I did not make the mistake, but my "ex" truly displayed the ultimate deceit, lies, unfaithfullness that, yes, did hurt me immensely; however, my relief of not living with that person anymore. He is living at the same financial level as before, his actions forced me to live much differently. Am I stressed at times, absolutely. Can I manage it, absolutely! Yes we are responsible for our own happiness, when in doubt find a good support syst

  - Kathy

• December 30, 2007 3:21 p.m.

  I am 54, have MS and Sjogren's Disease, which are manageable. I recently went through an extremely tough divorce, my "ex" took all our money and then fired on a felony charge, grand theft from his employer. Having to move unable to afford where I was living with NO spousal maintenance, forced to live on county help which I can live with. My "ex" remarried, has a steady job and I need to go to court to get the back money owed to me-5 yrs+. Recently, I became extremely ill for the month of November and spent much of it in the hospital. I struggle every day financially and physically to accomplish tasks. When I get up, I just take one battle at a time. I love gardening, crafts, have a house to maintain, which I call my "stress relief". In reading the comment from "Twin", much stress does NOT just come from our thoughts, it is brought on by others making it difficult for us to manage, but we do! There are 2 sides to that comment, it seems Twin's comm

  - Kathy

• December 25, 2007 2:59 a.m.

  I love reading these blogs but I still don't know how to deal with my stressfull life. I am 38 and have been a single parent for 19years, work 4 jobs to afford a middle class lifestyle and have parents to support. I am not able to get into a relationship because of my busy lifestyle and obligations as a parent and a as a daughter. what do I do? quit jobs, go on vacation and none of those are possible because I have family members depend on me. Not sure what to do?

  - A stressed out reader

• December 24, 2007 8:49 p.m.

  At the age of 51, had worked fifty years and everything seemed to be going in the right direction, I started having minor chest pains. Within a year(and not wanting to believe I had a bad heart)I couldn't walk much more then 100 feet before I dropped to my knees. Went to the hospital and was just short of needing a heart transplant. After a quintuple bypass, and a ticket to disability(which I haven't started receiving yet)I had started getting very depressed and wondered if the world would be better without me. After some excellent counseling an taking a closer look at myself, I realized, even penniless and not having many material possesions, other people and myself cared about me and my life. Now every day, to wake up and look in the mirror is a blessing from someone who wants me to hang around for a while longer. That's a preety good feeling, and makes me feel better phyically and mentally. To all that think it's so horrible, wake up, look in the mirror, and say, THANK YOU. Terry

  - Terry

• December 24, 2007 12:50 p.m.

  I am making the most of a bad turn in the road 8 years ago, i.e., moving fron San Francisco to the desert and now in San Diego. I am trying to not look back but it is very difficult.

  - Bill

• December 7, 2007 12:04 a.m.

  Uplifting, even in the face of it all - we tend to expect a lot from others, when most of all we need outrselves for that inner motivation and conviction! Thx, this man's story gives me hope

  - Cathy

• December 6, 2007 1:31 a.m.

  Dr. Creagan, your answer is your question--wanting to know how another human deals with his problems. Asking a question that demonstrates to another that you care what he thinks or feels or what his problem is. The art of listening is such a gift to the world. How much people under stress just want someone to be a caring listener even if all problems can be solved. Perhaps that's why 12-step groups can be beneficial. The group has no agenda, does not seek money and provides a regulated forum where people can speak. We can all help with real, everyday, immediate stress by donating food and clothing to shelters, by giving a blanket to the homeless or buying someone a cup of coffee. Just keep listening with a caring heart Dr. C. and you will have all the answers you seek to make you an even better physician than you already appear to be. Good luck to you and to all who share with you.

  - A Reader

• December 5, 2007 2:02 p.m.

  What a great topic. many of us suffer from our lives... We let our life effect us emotionally and it is so hard to bounce back from this. I read somewhere that when you are hurt emotionally, this is equivalent to physical pain. We fail to realize that we allow stress and depression into our lives through our thoughts. It seems that many people enjoy being in that state of mind or condition. They want to feel sorry for themselves, perhaps it is a punishment of some sort something that they control and put on themselves for a mistake that they have made or a way they have made another party feel. I hope this is not to blunt!!! I just would like people to understand that they are in control of their happiness. Twin http://www.trigeia.com

  - Twin

• December 4, 2007 7:57 p.m.

  I really enjoy reading your columns especially since I have been diagnosed with Panic Disorder and now Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am in the desensitization phase of my CBT therapy. Plainly speaking this means I have to confront my worst fears over and over again in order for them to lose their hold on me. Over the last 2 weeks or so I have had to face two of my #10 fears on a scale of 1 - 10 rating. The first couple of days initially brought on panic attacks, but I told myself I had two choices. Either let the fear conquer me and be terrified or just go through the panic attack no matter how bad it got I would just face it. Well I did just that in telling myself that I basically only one choice. As the days went by the panic attacks decreased and so did my level of anxiety to the point where I actually enjoyed the activity that I used to fear. End of the story I conquered two of my biggest fears, a milestone for me & my therapist. I hope in some small way encourage other

  - Carol

• December 3, 2007 9:56 a.m.

  We tend to conceptualize our lives, imperfectly but understandably, as mostly comprised of our bodily condition and possessions, reputations, and achievements. If any of these are impaired or perceived to be lost, then we can find our minds reeling forward toward anxiety of more loss or backward toward melancholy. Consider reconceptualizing life along the lines of the great Roman emperor and philosopher, Marcus Aurelius, as he wrote in his own diary: Everything harmonizes with me, which is harmonious to thee, O Universe. Nothing for me is too early nor too late, which is in due time for thee. Everything is fruit to me which thy seasons bring, O Nature: from thee are all things, in thee are all things, to thee all things return.

  - Alan

• December 3, 2007 6:31 a.m.

  I have a job I love to do. It's only data entry at a computer but it gives me the mental time to listen to the music I love, Classical, without the distractions I have at home, and to reflect on my previous days and life in general. Sounds great, huh? Here's the stress factor though - the powers that be!!! I have a very hard time dealing with these people and their constant harrasment, be it silently (constantly watching your every move) or vocally. My 88 1/2 year old aunt keeps telling me I can't control others' actions, only my reactions to them. I know this, but still, I have difficulty not letting them get to me. Fortunately I have a few friends I can unload on but then I don't want to constantly burden them. And it's not like I can meditate while at work. The music can only soothe me so much. I hate taking this anger home with me as then I take it out on my "babies" - a dog, 3 cats, 4 parrots - and they are the least deserving of it. Does anyone have any sugge

  - Judith

• December 1, 2007 11:37 p.m.

  Dr Ed- I love your real life examples. You inspire me daily.

  - Joe River

• November 30, 2007 8:30 p.m.

  My daughter has taught me about distraction, This works also for stress. I find myself sitting in the yard with her following a bug and in no time I distracted myself from the stressful situation.

  - Carmen