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With Mayo Clinic oncologist Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

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February 8, 2008 1:57 p.m.

Protect your peace of mind

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By Edward T. Creagan, M.D.

We are each buffeted and assaulted by issues, circumstances and developments over which we have no control. A faceless bureaucracy involving credit cards or cell phones; a telemarketer interrupting dinner hour; or the mundane challenges of everyday life such as getting stuck in traffic, an unfair performance appraisal or being passed over for a promotion.

A clergy at a recent service talked about the notion of letting go and "surrender." By this, she meant acknowledging that there are some developments over which we have no control, and yet, we can spend an enormous amount of energy trying to tackle unsolvable dilemmas.

A useful analogy involved the notion of a Christmas present, a box with beautiful wrappings and a bow. In that box is our serenity. When we become irate, when we react to some of life's issues, in effect we are giving away that gift, that box to others.

When we give away our serenity, we give away our peace of mind and our sense of calmness. Most of us would never choose to do that deliberately so we need to be proactive and preemptive in protecting our own peace of mind.

So, how do we do that? I think we have each learned that there is no quick fix, no easy recipe, but if we do not maintain an element of fitness, and acknowledge that life is not always fair and "the good guys do not always win," then I believe we are better able to go with the flow, roll with the punches, and face life with poise, dignity, and serenity.

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8 comments posted

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April 11, 2008 2:43 p.m.

Prayer has helped me. As a Catholic, my help is sometimes to reach for Christ when under stress that I realize is hampering me. I reach for a chaplet and pray on the beads. At the end of the prayer, if I have focused clearly on Christ, not on my stress, my problem, I am free of the stress, and I do feel the serenity. This will not work for everyone.

- Thomas

March 7, 2008 11:51 a.m.

I do believe in letting go of things you cannot control. Otherwise, they will come to control you. It is very hard sometimes, but is getting easier for me with practice. I know someone close to me who believes that everything has to be fair. It really blows her mindset, if something is not fair. I think raising children up to believe that things in life are fair, is cruel. I do believe in playing fair myself, and that is all I can account for. Seeing the world through rose colored glasses isnt helping her one bit. Thanks for the place to vent. I had shingles last year as a result of not dealing with my own stress properly. It will be refreshing to come to your blog and remind myself how to keep calm and control my controllable variables in life. Thanks again.

- doo-dah

February 24, 2008 9:13 p.m.

I do agree that there are some things in life that are uncontrollable. This is where good old fashion common sense comes into play. There are going to be uncontrollable stresses at work, at home, and in everyday life situation. Life “is” like a box of chocolates, you really don’t know what you’re going to get. In order to keep our serenity sometimes we have to raise our standards a bit to keep some form of sanity. It’s not a easy thing to do. In some situation were things are not going the way you want them to go, one way of not losing control is not getting upset in the first place, because it is something that you simple can not control. Just look at it as one downer. What’s the opposite of down? up, right? One down equals one up. It will happen sooner or later, we just got to have patient.

- Rita

February 17, 2008 9:49 p.m.

Of course, you could always take a Valium... ;-) Actually, usually I would do a lot of "stress reduction" teaching in my practice...it's easier to put up with little things if you put things into perspective.

- Boinkie

February 14, 2008 3:30 a.m.

You have to let the bad go. If you don't it will eat you alive. It will take all that is good. You won't feel good which shows towards others who take on your feelings and continue this cycle. Try it for a day with common sense in mind, of course.

- Bridgette

February 12, 2008 11:54 a.m.

For Monica--I recommend William Glasser's book, Choice Theory. I think you might find it helpful. (He talks about how we really can't control anybody else, and I think he offers ideas and examples that can help us "let go.") Get it from the library and read the first chapter or skim it and see what you think. Or Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Choice-Theory-Psychology-Personal-Freedom/dp/0060930144 Hope this helps.

- Chuck

February 12, 2008 10:33 a.m.

I got nothing out of that article.

- No name given

February 11, 2008 9:49 p.m.

I love your article... I can handle all the challenges at work & business... But when it comes to love & intimate relationship, I have no idea of what to do if my partner acts with no responsibility... It would be easier to break up... But I am just switching my attitude as much as possible...From now on, I will try to practice the exercise of imagining the box, in order not to get upset at the other person´s irrational behavior... Any suggestions?

- Monica