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Depression: Supporting a family member or friend with depression

Your support can benefit a family member or friend dealing with depression. You can help him or her get professional care, develop good self-care habits and monitor symptoms.

By Mayo Clinic staff

Depression is a medical illness that affects the mind and body. It can affect how a person feels, acts and thinks on a daily basis.

Friends and family members of a person with depression may also feel the impact of the disease. If someone in your life is depressed, you may worry about his or her well-being, or you may notice its effect on your relationship. You may feel sad or helpless about how the illness robs your loved one of enjoying life or engaging in everyday activities.

When a friend or family member experiences depression, you can help the person seek appropriate care, develop coping skills and create a low-stress environment. You can offer emotional support and compassion. And you can learn to take care of yourself and manage the impact of the disorder on your own life.

Educate yourself about depression

You can help a loved one with depression by educating yourself about the disease. Read about it. Talk to other people you know who have been treated for depression or have helped someone else cope with it. The more you understand about what causes depression, how it affects people and how it can be treated, the better equipped you will be to talk to and help a friend or family member with signs of depression.

You can begin by learning to recognize signs and symptoms of depression:

  • Loss of interest in normal daily activities
  • Feeling sad or down
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Crying spells for no apparent reason
  • Problems sleeping or oversleeping
  • Trouble focusing or concentrating
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Unintentional weight gain or loss
  • Irritability
  • Restlessness
  • Being easily annoyed
  • Feeling fatigued or weak
  • Feeling worthless
  • Loss of interest in sex
  • Thoughts of suicide or suicidal behavior
  • Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches

Encourage prompt treatment

People with depression may not recognize or acknowledge that they're depressed. They may not be aware of signs and symptoms of depression, they may be embarrassed about their illness, or they may feel too hopeless to address the issue. They may also think that how they feel and think is normal and not the result of illness.

Therefore, you may help a person recognize the illness and seek treatment:

  • Talk to the person about what you have observed and why you are concerned.
  • Suggest that the person see a mental health provider or his or her primary care physician.
  • Explain that depression is a medical condition that is usually treated successfully.
  • Explain that some signs and symptoms associated with depression could be caused by other medical conditions that should be ruled out.
  • Offer to make an initial appointment.
  • Help prepare a list of questions to discuss with a physician or therapist.
  • Offer to attend initial appointments.
  • Express your willingness to attend family therapy.

If your loved one's illness is debilitating or life-threatening, you may need to intervene by contacting a doctor, hospital or emergency medical services.

Create a wellness guide

Everyone experiences depression differently. Not everyone will demonstrate all signs and symptoms, and changes in signs or symptoms may indicate a worsening of depression. You can help your family member or friend by learning how depression affects him or her. You may learn this by simply observing, or if the person is comfortable talking about depression, you may want to ask questions to help you understand.

Answers to the following questions can provide you with a guide for understanding how well he or she is doing:

  • What are the typical signs and symptoms of depression in your family member or friend?
  • What behaviors or language do you observe when depression is worse?
  • What behaviors or language do you observe when he or she is doing well?
  • What circumstances trigger episodes of more severe depression?
  • What activities are most helpful when depression worsens?
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May 30, 2008

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