Mayo Clinic Health Manager

Get free personalized health guidance for you and your family.

Get Started

Free

E-Newsletter

Subscribe to receive the latest updates on health topics. About our newsletters

  • Housecall
  • Alzheimer's caregiving
  • Living with cancer

continued:

Children and divorce: Helping kids cope with a breakup

Don't bend the rules

It may be tempting to relax your parental rules while your child grieves over the divorce. But this will only make your child feel more insecure. Children thrive on consistency, structure and routine — even if they insist on testing the boundaries and limits. If your child shares time between two households, it's important for the rules to be similar in both homes.

Counseling can help

You might feel so hurt or overwhelmed by your divorce that you turn to your child for comfort and direction — but that's not your child's role. For help sorting through your feelings, you might join a divorce support group or seek counseling through a social service agency or mental health center. If you need help reaching decisions about your child during or after the divorce, consider using the services of a family or divorce mediator.

Your child may also benefit from counseling, especially if he or she:

  • Feels sad or angry
  • Has trouble sleeping or eating
  • Has problems at school or with friends
  • Experiences personality changes
  • Develops irrational fears

Put your child first

During a divorce, interacting with your spouse might be the last thing you want to do — but it's important. Your child needs both of you. Work out custody arrangements and other details with your child's best interests in mind. Remember that a bitter or prolonged custody battle may take a serious, long-term toll on your child's mental health. Instead, help your child maintain a strong, loving relationship with the other parent as you work toward meeting common parenting goals. For your child, support from both parents may be the best tool for weathering the challenges of divorce.

Previous page
(2 of 2)
References
  1. Children and divorce. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/childrenanddivorce.asp. Accessed Feb. 17, 2009.
  2. Managing conflict during divorce. American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. http://www.aamft.org/families/consumer_updates/managing%20conflict%20during%20divorce.asp. Accessed Feb. 17, 2009.
  3. Parenting corner Q&A: Divorce. American Academy of Pediatrics. http://www.aap.org/publiced/BR_Divorce.htm. Accessed Feb. 17, 2009.
  4. Children and divorce. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_and_divorce. Accessed Feb. 18, 2009.
  5. Desrochers JE. Divorce: A parents' guide for supporting children. National Association of School Psychologists. http://www.nasponline.org/resources/parenting/divorce_ho.aspx. Accessed Feb. 18, 2009.
  6. Cohen GJ. Helping children and families deal with divorce and separation. Pediatrics. 2002;110:1019.
  7. Roustit C, et al. Family breakup and adolescents' psychosocial maladjustment: Public health implications of family disruptions. Pediatrics. 2007;120:e984.
  8. Hoecker JL (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. March 4, 2009.

HO00055

May 16, 2009

© 1998-2009 Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research (MFMER). All rights reserved. A single copy of these materials may be reprinted for noncommercial personal use only. "Mayo," "Mayo Clinic," "MayoClinic.com," "EmbodyHealth," "Reliable tools for healthier lives," "Enhance your life," and the triple-shield Mayo Clinic logo are trademarks of Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research.

Print Share Reprints

Text Size: smaller largerlarger