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Parenting tips for toddlers: Encouraging good behavior
Prevent tantrums
It's normal for a toddler to have temper tantrums. But you may be able to reduce the frequency, duration or intensity of your child's fits by taking these steps:
- Know your child's limits. Your child may misbehave because he or she doesn't understand or can't do what you're asking.
- Keep it friendly. Use a friendly tone of voice when you ask your toddler to do something. Phrase your request as an invitation rather than a command. Say "please" and "thank you," as in, "Please stand still while I put on your coat."
- Take 'no' in stride. Don't overreact when your toddler says no. Instead, calmly repeat your request.
- Pick your battles. Only say no when it's absolutely necessary.
- Don't make deals. Bribery may teach your child to break a rule when you don't reward him or her.
- Offer choices, when possible. Encourage your child's independence by letting him or her pick out a pair of pajamas or a bedtime story.
- Avoid situations that may trigger tantrums. If your child always seems to have tantrums at the grocery store, hire a sitter the next time you go shopping. Also know that children are more likely to act out when they're tired, hungry, sick or in an unfamiliar setting.
- Make it fun. Distract your child or make a game out of good behavior. Your child will be more likely to do what you want if you make an activity fun.
- Stick to the schedule. Keep a daily routine as much as possible so that your child will know what to expect.
- Encourage good communication. Remind your child to use words to express his or her feelings.
If your child has a tantrum, remain calm and distract him or her. Ignore minor displays of anger, such as crying — but if your child hits, kicks or screams for a prolonged period, remove him or her from the situation. Hold your child or give him or her time alone to cool down.
Enforce consequences
Despite your best efforts, at some point your toddler will break the rules. Consider using these strategies to encourage your child to cooperate:
- Natural consequences. Let your child see the consequences of his or her actions — as long as they're not dangerous. If your child throws and breaks a toy, he or she won't have the toy to play with anymore.
- Logical consequences. Create a consequence for your child's actions. Tell your child if he or she doesn't pick up his or her toys, you will take the toys away for a day. Help your child with the task, if necessary. If your child doesn't cooperate, follow through with the consequence.
- Withholding privileges. If your child doesn't behave, respond by taking away something that your child values — such as a favorite toy — or something that's related to his or her misbehavior. Don't take away something your child needs, such as a meal.
- Timeout. When your child acts out, give him or her a warning. If the poor behavior continues, guide your child to a designated timeout spot — ideally a quiet place with no distractions. Enforce the timeout for one minute per year of your child's age. If your child resists, hold him or her gently but firmly by the shoulders or in your lap. Make sure your child knows why he or she is in the timeout. Afterward, guide your child to a positive activity.
Whatever consequences you choose, be consistent. Make sure that every adult who cares for your child observes the same rules and discipline guidelines. This reduces your child's confusion and need to test you. Also, be careful to criticize your child's behavior — not your child. Instead of saying, "You're a bad boy," try, "Don't run into the street." Never resort to punishments that emotionally or physically harm your child. Spanking, slapping and screaming at a child do more harm than good.
Set a good example
Children learn how to act by watching their parents. The best way to show your child how to behave is to set a positive example for him or her to follow.
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- Altmann TR. The Wonder Years: Helping Your Baby and Young Child Successfully Negotiate the Major Developmental Milestones. American Academy of Pediatrics. New York, N.Y.: Bantam Dell; 2006:126.
- Shelov SP, et al. Caring for Your Baby And Young Child: Birth to Age Five. Elk Grove Village, Ill..: Bantam; 2004.
- Discipline and your child. American Academy of Pediatrics. http://patiented.aap.org/content.aspx?aid=5087. Accessed Dec. 12, 2008.
- Temper tantrums: A normal part of growing up. American Academy of Pediatrics. http://patiented.aap.org/content.aspx?aid=5725. Accessed Dec. 12, 2008.
- Practice guide - Effective discipline. American Academy of Pediatrics. http://www.aap.org/practicingsafety/Modules/EffectiveDiscipline/EffectiveDiscipline.pdf. Accessed Dec. 12, 2008.
