Kids, holidays and soaring expectations: Editor's note

Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.

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Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa bring families and friends together for celebration and religious and cultural observance. They punctuate the passing years. And they brighten and warm the cold, dark month of December.

For children, holiday anticipation may nearly bubble over — only to be replaced by disappointment if the holiday doesn't measure up to expectations. But the disappointment isn't inevitable. Instead of going over the top with gifts and preparations, focus on togetherness and shared pleasures.

Create realistic expectations

Memorable holidays don't require mountains of expensive gifts. For young children, too many gifts may even be intimidating. Instead of hitting the mall, consider these options:

• Warm up the kitchen. Enlist everyone's help to bake favorite holiday goodies. Wrap extras and deliver them to friends, neighbors and others. Or surprise your children with a few festive treats.
• Reminisce. During family meals, talk about the holiday and how your own holiday traditions began. Use photos of previous holidays to prompt stories or laughs.
• Offer activities. Take your children to a holiday display or concert. Bundle up and go sledding, skating or cross-country skiing. Host a sleepover or holiday movie marathon.
• Give personalized coupons. Make up coupons good for one favorite meal or one day's exemption from a regular chore.
• Get sentimental. Consider passing one of your prized possessions along to a child who knows how much the item means to you. My son remembers the year I gave him my own favorite Swiss Army knife because he knew I wanted him to enjoy it as much as I had.

It's also important to recognize when your children want too much. As older kids develop increasingly expensive tastes, you might suggest that big-ticket items are better suited to birthdays than to the December holidays. That way, you'll spread the expenses and enjoyment out over the year.

Focus on things that last

"Everything in moderation, nothing in excess" is a good credo for the holiday season — and it doesn't just apply to food and drink.

It's not uncommon for parents to hope, on some level, that gifts will compensate for intangible things that are actually harder to give — time and emotional engagement. As a parent, though, you do the best you can on those fronts every day. Remember that giving gifts is only one way to show love, and that spending time is more valuable than spending money.

Or think about it this way: List the gifts you gave or received two holidays ago. Not easy, is it?

The best parts of the holiday season rarely come wrapped in a box. Instead, they're the moments that become priceless memories. As years pass and your store of holiday memories grows, you'll realize that the shared pleasures of the holiday season will stay with you much longer than most gifts.

So adjust your expectations, focus on things that last and enjoy being in the moment. Make yourself a happy holiday.

Jay Hoecker, M.D.
Senior Medical Editor

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