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Self-esteem check: Too low, too high or just right?
Self-esteem is shaped by your relationships, your experiences and your thoughts. Healthy self-esteem promotes mental well-being, assertiveness, resilience and more.
By Mayo Clinic staffSelf-esteem is your overall opinion of yourself — how you honestly feel about yourself with all of your successes, abilities, flaws and limits. When you have healthy self-esteem, you feel good about yourself and see yourself as deserving others' respect. When you have low self-esteem, on the other hand, you put little value on your opinions and ideas, and you constantly worry that you aren't "good enough."
Although the benefits of building healthy self-esteem are often discussed for children, there are plenty of adults who need to work on their self-esteem. Learn how to tell if your self-esteem needs a boost — and the benefits of developing healthy self-esteem.
Factors that shape and influence self-esteem
Self-esteem starts forming early in life. Factors that can influence self-esteem include:
- Other peoples' reactions to you
- Your own thoughts and perceptions
- School and extracurricular experiences
- Work experiences
- Illness, disability or injury
- Culture
- Religion
- Role and status in society
Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important adults — are especially powerful. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you've received from these people over time. If your close relationships are good and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see yourself as worthwhile. However, if you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased or devalued by others, you're more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.
But your own thoughts have perhaps the biggest impact on self-esteem — and they are one aspect of self-esteem that you can control. With techniques such as cognitive behavior training, you can learn to reframe negative thinking and self-talk and to correct misperceptions that lead you to focus on your weaknesses or flaws.
The ranges of self-esteem
Self-esteem ranges from very positive to very negative. Neither extreme is healthy. Although self-esteem fluctuates over time, depending on your circumstances, it generally stays in a range that reflects how you feel about yourself overall.
- Overly high self-esteem. If you regard yourself more highly than others do, you may have an unrealistically positive view of yourself. When you have an inflated sense of self-esteem, you often feel superior to those around you. Such feelings can lead you to become arrogant or self-indulgent and believe that you deserve special privileges.
- Low self-esteem. When you have low or negative self-esteem, you put little value on your opinions and ideas. You focus on your perceived weaknesses and faults and give scant credit to your skills and assets. You believe that others are better than you.
- Healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem lies between these two extremes. It means you have a balanced, accurate view of yourself. For instance, you have a good opinion of your abilities but recognize your flaws. When you understand your own worth, you invite the respect of others.
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- Barbara Woodward Lips Patient Education Center. Self-esteem. Rochester, Minn.: Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research; 2006.
- Building self-esteem: A self-help guide. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/SMA-3715/introduction.asp. Accessed May 4, 2009.
- Seaward BL. Managing Stress: Principles and Strategies for Health and Well-Being. 6th ed. Sudbury, Mass.: Jones and Bartlett Publishers; 2009:147.
- Karren KJ, et al. Mind, Body, Health: The Effects of Attitudes, Emotions and Relationships. 4th ed. San Francisco, Calif.: Pearson Education Inc.; 2010:449.
- Self esteem FAQ. National Association for Self-Esteem. http://www.self-esteem-nase.org/faq.php. Accessed May 4, 2009.
- Creagan ET (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. May 27, 2009.
- Hall-Flavin DK (expert opinion). Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn. May 27, 2009.
